i didn't mean it aunti em

Creative Parenting

2012-02-17T10:34:00.001-08:00

We all remember what a "handful" my son Jackson is. Right?
Timeouts don't work.
Spankings are nothing to him.
Take away his favorite toy, he says he doesn't care and laughs in my face.
He's not even 4 yet. I've given serious thought to boarding school. I'm just not sure of the financial logistics unless I become a drug runner. And well, that's never a good idea.
So I introduced wall sits. Anyone who has worked out knows these. Also referred to as an "Iron Chair" by some.
Anyhoo, they suck. And when your four, they really suck.

About a month ago I was at a breaking point. The kids were yelling/kicking/hitting/spitting. And it wasn't even 8 am yet. I had just gotten back from boot camp and thought that making them suffer through a body weight muscle building exercise might just work. (You should know that my boot camp is almost always solely and completely and horribly filled with body weight muscle building exercises. Which I openly have a love/hate relationship with.)
IT WORKED!!!
Alivia, who honestly is hardly ever bad, has been perfect since with the threat of more wall sits looming over her.
And Jackson, well, he is still Jackson, but a Jackson who pays attention a little more and acts downright frightful a little less.
I told some other moms about this and they were excited. "Oh, that is such creative parenting." For real, I just want them to stop being bad.

Coffee

2012-02-01T13:47:00.000-08:00

I just realized that all I really need is coffee.
If I can have my morning coffee in peace, I mean real peace, then I'm good for the day.
No kid interruptions, husband needing something, cats fighting or whining for food, phone calls (from anyone!).
Just a 20 minute window of peace. With a huge cup of coffee.

That it may be

2012-01-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

A new year?
Wouldn't' be complete without the obligatory Happy New Year! and this is what I have planned this year blog.
Honestly, I got nothing.
Ok, I guess that is not true. I do have plans for Valentine's Day already made, but if they fall through . . . then nothing.
I made no resolutions or goals.
Not by decision but just how it happens I am taking one day at a time. Not thinking of what I must be doing but what I want to be doing. This moment. Lucky for you I wanted to blog. ;)
Normally, this "fly by the seat of my pants" behavior would cause me anxiety. (People have plans. Who am I not to have one? That kind of thinking.)
My year was tough. I'd say more than I can handle, but I'm sitting here healthy.
So I am ok with my contentment in spite of being goal less.
I am going to live with this calm, happy feeling. (There's my resolution!)
And of course, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

On to the next one

2011-11-28T08:40:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving over.
Last game between A&M and t.u. done, complete with heartbreak.
Rocked my daughter's 5th birthday party .
Playroom reorganized and toys in bag to donate in prep of the nightmare that is Christmas.
Pumpkin center piece trashed.
House (I'm gonna clean that as soon as I'm done here)
On to the next one . . .

Sisters

2011-11-19T16:11:00.000-08:00

My heart breaks thinking of this. I have two sisters. I'm pretty sure both hate me.
Like. For real. Ok, hate is strong.
Dislike, Let's go with that.
I'm not a sister who has been mean or told them hateful things.
They are just sisters who, in my mind, have made choices that make it hard for us to be friends. And somehow I feel guilty. I feel it's my fault for their situations.
(Or I am an egotistical crazy bitch cause i believe my way is better.)
Logically, I know, they may be fine with how they are living. In my heart, well that is different.
My heart.
Even here, where I know I am safe, I can't tell you how I really feel.
I spent the better part of last night in the fetal position. Sobbing. With no control. I woke up with a massive headache and a heavy heart. This happened because I love my sisters. Bound by blood or whatever it is, I long to have a healthy, loving relationship with them.
That feels like an impossibility.
And that statement make me sad.

"That kid"

2011-11-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

My son has been proving himself to be "that kid". He is 3.
Picked him up from MDO today and the teacher's face said it all.
When I dropped him off that morning he was clingy and needed a little extra time adjusting to class. Which is totally abnormal for him.
Come to find out he ended up punching and kicking walls, collapsing to floor and then squirming and kicking when picked up and finally, my favorite, throwing a chair.
*sigh*
Please don't let my kid be a criminal later in life.

Judge Me If You Will

2011-10-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

I made a second pot of coffee today.
Oh yes, I did.
And I'm going to drink ALL OF IT.
I will embrace the shakes when they hit me and ride the artificial energy wave into the afternoon.
I might just make it through the day.
My love of caffeine reaffirmed.

Grief Sweater

2011-09-29T12:52:00.000-07:00

Basically, I have been walking around like a woman with no hope. No happiness.
I was wearing my Grief.
Toting it around and showing it the city. I would securely place it on my shoulders to start my day. Hell, I even curled up next to it in bed. Grief. I couldn't get enough of it. Like an addict, I would seek out other avenues of unhappy thoughts and actions just so I could keep my Grief around.
This makes me ashamed of myself. And don't' think that thought didn't help to keep Grief by my side. Cause it did.
On the outside I imagine I looked the same. Maybe my smile was a little forced. Maybe my eyes weren't as bright. But the same.
Something amazing happened about a week ago. I decided to take off the Grief Sweater. (I named it so that I could get rid of it)
I "hung" it up. Had to. My life was screaming at me to be lived and to live it happy and in the light.
I have two babies! Most would argue they need me. Also, I missed me. I missed my friends and my family. When you wear the Grief Sweater, no one appears to be who they were before. It changes your outlook on the world.
So I am thankful I can proclaim that I have escaped the dark. It calls to me still. But I'm not worried. If I ever visit again, I know the way out.

Long Summer

2011-09-07T06:02:00.000-07:00

The kids were home all summer.
By that, I mean I didn't have them enrolled in any Mother's Day Out or camps (still a little young for them). So it was me. With them. All summer.
And this summer was difficult.
And if you were wondering, my son still refuses to be potty trained.
I may have to home school this little turkey because I doubt they wipe asses in kindergarten.
*sigh*
But today I rejoice in all things good.
Today is the first day of school (Mother's Day Out)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will have 5 blissful hours to myself.

It has been a long summer.

BEACH HOUSE!

2011-08-12T06:12:00.000-07:00

It is finally time to pack up the car, drive three hours, unpack car and sit my ass on the beach for six straight days.
Oh, and I decided to go ahead and go bungee jumping with the hubs.
Don't be jealous. I need this vacay. BAD.

A Housewife's Birthday

2011-08-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

5:00 am - Get up

5:30 - Boot camp

7:00 - Shower

7:15 - Sit on couch exhausted

7:17 - Take care of babies that just woke up, start laundry, take a child to the bathroom, make breakfast, comfort crying child, break up fight, kiss husband goodbye, start show on netflix, break up fighting cats, facebook, more laundry, clean up milk off floor, get coffee, comfort crying child

11:30 - Make lunch

12:30pm - Put kids down for nap

12:31 - Bribe kids to stop talking and fall asleep

12:32 - Spank kids for climbing on side of bunk bed like you have told them a million times not to do

1:00 - Fall asleep among laundry sitting on bed needing to be folded

1:45 - Wake up to kids climbing on you

2:00 - Dress everyone in bathing suits and sunscreen

2:10 - Get in baby pool, become a dolphin/mermaid/sea monster

3:30 - Dry everyone off, change into big tshirts, make popcorn, watch a movie, do laundry, facebook, wipe a child's ass, answer emails, make important phone call so the kids have a reason to start fighting and screaming

5:30 - Praise a god for your husband returning home from work

5:33 - Start dinner, hide from kids, facebook

7:45 - Give kids bath and all other night night related things

8:30 - Rock kids goodnight

8:45 - Sit on couch exhausted, with wine in hand

10:00 - Blessed sleep

How can death make life so different?

2011-08-01T07:18:00.001-07:00

Once I started blogging again (if you remember, I took a break and had some babies) I vowed to make my posts, at least most of them, upbeat, fun, positive. Cause that is who I am. Or at least the person I want to be.
So now I am sad. Incredibly sad.
Sad to the point that I am sure the word sad is insufficient in describing how I feel.
And I want to tell all of you and myself that the only way to live is with love and light in your life. But damn if I'm having a hard time living that way.
I find the motions of everyday life exhausting. I cringe at the thought of being around people.
Tears are ever present accompanied by a dull headache.
I know, "this to shall pass".
I am sorry to anyone I have ever uttered that phrase to. They are not words of comfort.
I looked up the steps to grief.
Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.
You can see, I am juggling a couple of those at once here. I like to multitask.
So today I'll go to the grocery store. I'll make my kids lunch and dinner. I'll play in the pool with them. I'll read them stories and rock them before bed.
And I'll do all this feeling different than I did two weeks ago.
I'll do all this incredibly sad.
How can death make life so different?

I buried my Dad today

2011-07-25T17:41:00.000-07:00

He passed away Friday, July 22nd. I was in charge of funeral arrangements and I am in charge of everything that happens from here to wrap up his estate.
I have been running in administrative mode for the most part.
Of course there have been tears. And a little shaking of the fist to the man upstairs.
But my Dad has found a peace I will one day understand and I know I have to live my life as best I can in order to be with him again one day. He'll be missed. And he'll still be loved.
These are the words I spoke today at his funeral.

"This is going to be short. I dropped speech in college and dad told me to make it quick and get on with the party.

We sometimes define ourselves as lovers or fighters. I asked dad once what he thought he was. He said “a lover, . . . well, . . . most of the time”.

I agree.

He loved god, his country, his friends.

He loved women. All of them.

He loved rum & cokes, easy on the coke. Coffee and cigars.

He loved sunrises, Butterfinger blizzards, short cuts down questionable back roads.

He loved heavily starched jeans, button down shirts, boots and cowboy hats.

He loved Sunday mornings, tacos, making his own taco shells, football season, bbq’s and naps during halftime.

He loved to fish, to hunt. To eat what he had fished and hunted.

He loved trips to the farm. His mom and his dad. Spending time with his brothers and sister. His family.

He loved his childhood in Puerto Rico and having the opportunity to live in so many different places.

He loved to travel and loved his work.

He loved his children. He loved to get his way.

My dad loved a lot.

So I agree with him. He was a lover, most of the time."

Much Needed

2011-07-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

I planned my mom's bday celebration back in April. I rented a fancy hotel room at the Stoneleigh Hotel & Spa in Dallas. Along with a spa package that includes a massage, facial and body wrap.
And when I booked this ultra fab bday gift, I was like, man, this is going to be fun.
Now, well now, I'm thanking every God in every way for the fact that the bday weekend celebration is happening this weekend.
My dad has been in the hospital for over a week and while dealing with that I still have a child who refuses to use the potty all the time.
I need a break, ya'll.
A serious, do nothing, think of no one but myself break.
As if you needed confirmation, I will definitely be having a drink at the bar upon arrival and before departure. (My mom is driving :)

Honeybadger!!

2011-07-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

Have you seen this video?
If you haven't. You must.
Now.

2011-07-03T17:58:00.000-07:00

Parenting is tricky ya'll.
For real.
Currently I'm trying to teach my kids not to run outside naked.
Not to play with themselves when they are around others.
Oh, and to stop them from touching my "parts".
But the thing is I'm trying to teach them these lessons without also inadvertently giving them self-esteem and body issues.
I'd like them to be comfortable in their bodies and sexuality.
Cause not being, well, I've done that. Not so great.
Like I said, tricky.

Boot Camp

2011-06-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

I was having no luck motivating myself to work out.
So I signed up for a 6 week boot camp.
Oh my . . . .
Yesterday was my first day, and today, I can feel every muscle in my body.
Some are screaming in pain.
But it was so fun. And I am REALLY looking forward to going Wednesday morning!
This is all I have.
If I sit much longer I won't be able to get up.

Humph!

2011-06-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

Little change to my summer plans.
While sitting by a pool and soaking up sun was the plan, I have been traveling two hours most days to the hospital in my Dad's town, interviewing nursing homes and unsuccessfully potty training my 3 year old.

This is life. Right?

Poolside

2011-05-31T06:23:00.000-07:00

It's in the 90's.
I wear only flip flops.
Shorts and/or a swim suit is being worn.
And we have our pool up.
Summer is officially here.
If you need to contact me in the next three months, I'll be poolside or on the beach.
On Sunday afternoons I'll be there with a beer.
Happy Summer Time!

Yrautca and the Road

2011-05-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

Well this post is long overdue.
Things seemed a bit hectic when I returned from my roadtrip.
And it was such a good trip.
The drives were easy and went by pretty fast. Except for some nail biting moments in Pennsylvania where there was a cliff, a wall and a hundred semi trucks to be topped off by being separated from my soul sister who was in the car ahead of me. She stressed ate a cinnabun after losing me in her rear-view mirror. But all turned out well.
And now we have a good laugh about it all.
Driving home I stopped at a gas station in Joplin, MO. Which just seems weird after last nights destruction.
I did make it home a day earlier than planned. I missed my little family. And I am once again grateful to my hubs for making it so easy for me to leave and so easy to come home.

So I met Yrautca, my first blogger friend!
It was so fun.
He is, if you ever had a doubt, such a gentleman and we had such a good visit.
I am only sad I don't live closer to hang out with him more.
If you are ever in the Chicago area and you read his blog, he is a MUST MEET!!
I couldn't be happier that I got the chance.
No pics. :( But there are some on his page here.
Come to Texas already, Yrautca! I can't wait to show you my state.

Tomorrow!

2011-05-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

I leave in less than 11 hours people!!!!!
If you were unsure, I am super excited about my road trip to Baltimore/Chicago.
I am super excited to spend some time with my soul sister.
As a last minute add on my Mom is meeting me in Chicago to drive back with me. Whoop!
And I am super excited to meet my first blogger in person.
Yrautca, you better not flake. :)

I am however getting a little nervous to leave my kiddos. Alan will do fine without me, I hope. But I still feel a little sad to be away from them for so long. We were away this long when we went to Vegas, but the hubs was with me. So this is different.
Anyhoo. . .
I shall be on the road and enjoying my alone time in just a few short hours!!
Pics and stories in about a week.

Oh yes I did!

2011-04-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

My crazy Lent challenge is completed.
I went 40 days without chewing food.
I feel like a rockstar.
In other news, I leave for my Baltimore/Chicago roadtrip in 6 days.
Which is also very exciting if your me. Or my soul sister.
I need your favorite roadtrip songs/albums.
No suggestion will go unnoticed!

Road Trip

2011-04-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

My soul sister is graduating from Johns Hopkins University for nursing.
So proud!!
Anyhoo, she is moving very quickly after being done to Chicago and I am going with.
Two days to Baltimore to pick her up.
Load the car, sleep, get breakfast then two days to Chicago.
We'll celebrate Cinco de Mayo the night we get in.
A little unpacking and sightseeing.
Perhaps a nap in the park she loves but I can never remember the name.
Then two days home.
So if your counting, that is a minimum of 7 days away from my babies. 7!!
I'm gonna owe the hubs. Big time.

Have you heard this one?

2011-04-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

A man goes every day to the feet of some religious statue to pray. He prays for one thing and one thing only. Everyday he prays, "Please, please, please let me win the lottery. After so much time passes with him doing this the statue gets fed up and comes to life and says to him, "Please, please, please buy a lottery ticket."

Well, I bought mine. Not an actual ticket. Although I might!
But I have been wanting to change some things about my personality and kept just waiting for them to change from my sheer will of wanting them to change.
It didn't happen.
I realized (finally) I need to do something to provoke the changes I wanted.
Started with chopping my hair off.
For some time I have been under the impression that I can not/will not be beautiful without long hair.
In fact, I used to think I could not and would not be beautiful unless I looked perfect.
And therefore, I couldn't love myself all the time because I did not look the way I thought I should. (This is a trait I have been wanting to replace with something positive:)
So now my hair is short. Very short.
And I love it.
And I love myself.

Long Week!

2011-03-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

I have never been so happy to say goodbye to Spring Break!
My son is punishment times 10 for every bad or mean thing I have ever done ever.
I took him and his sister to Sea World this past weekend.
It's three hours from us. But suppose to be "totally" worth the trip.
It wasn't. At least not for me.
Alivia and the friends we met there seemed to have a great time.
Which I am thankful. Jackson, well, it is hard to say if he had fun or not. He alternated between fussing to be held/carried (which I did ALOT) and getting in trouble for being mean to others.
Plus side, my biceps are looking amazing.

*sigh*
I am now on the lookout for some good parenting books to help me with him.
To start, I'm looking for The 5 Languages of Children.
If anyone has other good ones, send the suggestions my way.

T-Storm

2011-03-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

Spring is here. With it's very first thunderstorm!
While I don't much care for rain because it keeps kids indoors (especially since this week is spring break), I LOVE thunderstorms.
LOVE LOVE LOVE them.
Love the boom of thunder. Love the pitter-patter of raindrops.
Love the way it makes you want to cuddle in bed or under a blanket.
And I really love the when the electricity goes out and we all have to sit around with candles and play games and enjoy each other.
While I will miss the semi-cold and the 1% chance of snow(don't forget, I live in Texas), I will embrace the storms and be ever grateful for what they mean.
Yeah for Spring!

Spring is in the Air

2011-03-10T15:40:00.000-08:00

For real. You can always count on Texas to bring you warm weather first.
And then for no reason get extremely cold again.
But whatev. Maybe not this year.
It is beautiful right now.

On a side note. I dusted the desk I'm sitting at like five hours ago.
And what do I see forming right before my eyes . . .!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The pledge commercials lie.

The 5 Love Languages

2011-02-25T08:44:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of them?
I was purchasing my sister's book on Amazon (Love Like God) and came across a copy of The 5 Love Languages for only $6. So I had to get it.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I'm only on Words of Affirmation. But that is totally me.
Feel free to tell me how wonderful I am and how you appreciate my time and humor.
Thanks in advance. ;)

Summer Camp

2011-02-20T06:52:00.001-08:00

I know this is a bit premature. Especially since my kids are only 4 and 3.
And it's still February.
But I am so ready for summer camps.
Until now I never realized how beneficial summer camps are.
For the adults. ;)
I've decided to start setting aside money now.
Whatever and however many camps my kids ask to go to.
The wish will be granted.

Snow!!

2011-02-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

For most of you, this is not exciting.
But for me, who lives in south Texas, and rarely gets cold weather, let alone snow, we got some.
So me and the little people I made are going to snuggle under blankets and watch Disney movies.
And I'll probably make some hot tea for myself.
I heart winter!!

Coffee and Cartoons

2011-01-22T06:19:00.000-08:00

Saturday mornings are my mornings to get up with the kids.
And they don't understand weekends yet.
So on cue (6:45 am) I hear tiny footsteps on their way to my room.
I hear, "Momma, I want a snack. Momma, Momma, Momma."
I carry the boy out of the room.
I turn on cartoons.
I stand by the coffee pot willing it to brew my coffee faster.
I browse the internet, check email and wait anxiously to hear another set of footsteps coming from my room. Those footsteps tell me the hubs is awake.
I live for those footsteps.

Another Happy New Year post

2011-01-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

I'm human.
So here it is, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
As far as feelings go, I'm not experiencing anything overwhelming.
Or life changing.
Not thinking much of what I should do this year.
Or making resolutions.
But if I had to make one it would be to live.
Just live.
To stop judging my life and placing it in some arbitrary category.
To just live it.
And quite possibly enjoy it. :)

A Letter to 2010

2010-12-27T07:03:00.001-08:00

Dear Year 2010,

I am anxious to see you leave.
You brought me every emotion I have ever known to have and some I still can't place.
You were a little heavy on the negative ones.
And that as why I am ready to bid you farewell.
Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

-Berly

PS. Thanks for the joy this last week. I'm guessing it's your makeup for the year.

The Tree

2010-12-08T06:11:00.000-08:00

So the hubs, as a child, was allowed to decorate the family Christmas tree to his liking. Along with his sisters of course.
And my MIL would leave the ornaments EXACTLY how they put them on.
For real?
For real.
So we let the kids decorate the tree this year.
They are 4 and 2 1/2.
I'm not allowed to redecorate it when they aren't here.
At first I thought he was joking.
But he did a serious face that I've never seen before.
I have never been so ready to take down Christmas decorations.
This is going to be a long December people.

4th Birthday!

2010-11-30T14:17:00.001-08:00

This is my baby today.

How did four years already go by?

Survival Mode

2010-11-24T07:19:00.001-08:00

You know, the mind set your in during and after a completely disruptive emotional occurrence. = Survival Mode

Things I've learned during my own experience:

1) Your never hungry but will still eat
2) Cigarettes still taste and smell bad
3) Tears will leak from the eyes without you knowing
4) Showers are the best part of the day
5) Appreciation of life and all that you love is at an all time high

Dear God, it's me Kimberly

2010-11-18T05:03:00.000-08:00

I always believe life won't give you more than you can handle.
Really.
If I felt overwhelmed in the past (emotionally speaking) I would take a crying timeout.
Maybe two.
Oh hell, I've cried for a week straight, I wont' lie.
But these past couple of months . . . . .
Well for one, I can't cry. Not a good one.
And things keep piling on top of each other.
I feel weighed down.
Smushed (its my word) with emotional pain.
And I can't see the proverbial light at the end of my tunnel.
If anyone is listening. I'm officially asking for help.

It's a nail polish kind of day

2010-11-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

Finally getting a little chilly here.
I heart winter.
I long for it to arrive and I cry when it leaves.
Today, I am extra grateful for the cold because I've been in a mood.
I vow today to enjoy my sweatshirt. Play with my kids. Finish my laundry. Have a successful play date with a good friend and her kids. Get out of my mood and into a positive one. And paint my nails red.
Cause I need red nail polish in my life today.

New Blog

2010-11-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

My sis (in-law) recently started a blog.
It's funny.
It's real.
Check it out.

Here:
http://tallblondesinthecity.blogspot.com/

Or look for the Tall Blondes link in the sidebar.
Thanks!!

October in Pictures

2010-11-01T17:43:00.000-07:00

Pre chocolate coma post

2010-10-31T05:51:00.000-07:00

Alivia and Jackson were suppose to be a giraffe and elephant for Halloween. We received these really great hand me down costumes. I was going to have the hubs and I dress in all khaki and we would be zoo keepers.
Cute right?
Ya.
But I planned something. So we all know how this turns out.
The costumes were to short.
Alivia decided to be a princess (I am using her flower girl dress from this summer)
Jackson screamed pirate as soon as I asked him what he wanted to be. He's been practicing by putting a cup on his foot at bath time. His makeshift peg leg.
But I was able to borrow a costume from a friend for his. So I'm not out a bunch of costume money.
I'm pretty excited. We have some friends that we go with. Her mom lives in a nicer neighborhood in town so we hit up them up for the good candy.
Pictures tomorrow!

And it begins

2010-10-18T19:34:00.000-07:00

The hubs left not more than two hours ago for Calgary, Canada.
I am hearing strange noises.
Bored beyond belief.
Almost drunk.
And wishing he was home.
It's gonna be a long week people.

A Trip or two

2010-10-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

So next week the hubs leaves for Canada on a business trip.
I want so badly to go, but we have Vegas three days after he gets back, so childcare is stretched to the limit right now.
Last time he left me alone for more than a night I was pregnant with Jackson and paranoid. I booby trapped the doors and slept like crap.
I'm hoping this time goes better.

But . . . .. VEGAS!!
I can't believe it is almost here.

Plane tickets to Vegas arrived - CHECK
Planet Hollywood room booked - CHECK
Little White Chapel booked to renew vows - CHECK

I'm ready to place myself in the center of sin.

This way

2010-10-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

Saw a quote on a friends FB profile the other day and it made me stop and think.
Which isn't the news, I stop and think a lot! :)

The quote:
"Anything goes when everything's gone."

I want to live like this.
I want to do and be and live like everything is gone. I don't want to feel held back by obligations. I want to wake up in the morning and live for exactly and only what I want to live for.
Is this possible?
Does anyone do this?

Finally

2010-09-28T06:03:00.000-07:00

We got some cool weather!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate heat.
Loathe it.
Okay, I can deal when I'm in a bathing suit and there is a pool.
But the general day to day stuff and sweating from getting groceries or walking out to get the mail. I'm over that. In a big way.
And FINALLY, FINALLY, my part of Texas has received some relief.
I'm one happy ladie today.
Well, all week, cause the weather report says we are to have this "cool front" continue for the next few days.

(Dear Santa, please send me snow this year. Thank you.)

Help Wanted

2010-09-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

Need willing and able person to come potty train my son and clean up any accidents and in general take care of the entire process that goes along with the potty training.
Will pay in cookies and gratefulness.
No references needed.
Only patient souls need apply.

Kicked

2010-09-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

Let me paint you a little picture.
Two girls are walking down stairs.
The first in a very short dress and heels. She is holding on to the rail and taking it slow.
Second is behind her in flip flops.
Second slips and lands on her ass. Hard.
While her legs are flying out from under her they connect with first girls right thigh and successfully take her out. She holds on to rail for dear life while skidding down a couple of stairs and manages to plant her left foot to stop.
Next morning.
First girl has twisted ankle, bruised right side of body.
Second girl ends up with what could possibly be a broken tail bone.
*sigh*
This is what happens to me when I get away from the children for a night.
And when I drink 7 & 7.

C R A Z Y

2010-09-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

If I have to take a shit one more time while my children bring me toys and ask me if it is a big poop and drive their toy cars on my legs and ask to sit in my lap and tell me it stinks in here - I'm gonna go crazy.
C R A Z Y!

Sleep

2010-08-23T07:13:00.001-07:00

I have been suffering from insomnia this past week.
Probably because I was excited/anxious for my friend's wedding. My daughter was the flower girl. And she was so cute. But I'm assuming I was worried. Although that really isn't in my nature of late.
Anyhoo . . . ..
Sleep deprivation.
It sucks.
I entered into the paranoia, crazy mode Sunday morning (post wedding).
I had a bottle of freaking wine at the wedding.
Did I sleep that night? No. The answer is no.
WTF?
So yesterday was an all out anxious filled day.
At this point I am not sure if the anxiety is causing the insomnia or the insomnia causing the anxiety. But I did get relief last night.
I slept.
It was nice.
And life seems brighter and lighter this morning.
Happy Monday!

"Cars"

2010-08-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

My son woke up early. Again.
We are watching "Cars". Again.
As far as animated movies go, its great.
Upon your 308th viewing, some of the charm is lost.
Just so you know.

Change of Plans

2010-08-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

The hubs and I were planning a big trip to Egypt this year for our 10 years together, 7 married, and we both turned 29 for the second time. Big year. So we went to the post office. Gave them $300 and our birth certificates and they told us we should receive our passports in 6 to 8 weeks. Mine is here. It is beautiful.
I mean, its a passport, but I'm super excited to have it, so its beautiful.
The hubs received a letter stating he submitted a birth card, and it has insufficient information to complete the application for a passport.
Damn.
Now we have to get a certified copy of his birth certificate from Austin (10 to 15 business days and another $22) and then send it back to the Charleston passport office. And I can only assume it will take another month after that to get his passport.
So . . . . . .
We aren't going.
I am now working on him to book Vegas for his sister's birthday.
Maybe we could renew our vows in the Little White Chapel.

Bachelorette Party

2010-08-16T05:54:00.000-07:00

So I attended a good friend's bachelorette party over the weekend.
I love her.
I did not love this party.
It did have the makings to be great though.
The best part of the night is the fact that our semi drunk bride got thrown from a golf cart mid turn on the way back from dinner. She was fine. It was hilarious.
The rest of the night was a lot of waiting for a taxi and indecision.
Eh . . . .
They are usually a bunch of hype, right?

sigh

2010-08-05T06:58:00.001-07:00

About this time every year I am counting down the days until my birthday.
Not this year.
It is the dreaded 30th.
And I'm having a problem with it.
Do I look 30? I don't think so.
Do I feel 30? That is no as well, I'll always feel 21 (fingers crossed)
But the number gets me. It really really gets me.
So come Sunday, I will begin the lying about my age phase of my life.
I am committed to being a 29 year old. Forever.

Didn't escape it

2010-07-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

Oh lord! I find myself saying things and as soon as they leave my mouth I know I sound just like my mother.
Why does this happen?
I realize I want my kids to act the way my mom wanted me to act.
When I tell the little turds to do something, I expect it to happen.
It doesn't (a lot).
So my reaction is to get angry.
And with that anger comes guilt for trying to mold them into something they aren't.
They need the freedom, and I want to give it to them, to be who they are and figure out life their way. *sigh* Even if that way clashes with my own wishes.
Parenting is tricky.
Their smirks and smiles make it easier though.

7 years

2010-07-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

Today I have been married to this man for seven years.
We have been together for ten.
And like always, I'll be honest, the first year sucked. Big time.
But we are in our groove.
We have adjusted to being a twosome.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!

2010-07-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

So all my life I've had this idea in my head about happiness.
It included perfection.
I thought, no I can't be happy right now cause ____ isn't perfect.
Wow. I see it written.
Say it again to myself.
What a crap way to look at things.
But this morning while washing my face ( I get all my epiphanies in the bathroom) I realized that I may not think my entire life is perfect right now, but I'm happy.
So I'm overweight. Still I'm happy.
So I think maybe my life isn't the life I signed up for. Still, I'm happy.
I can pick out a number of things that I would say aren't perfect, about myself or my life, but honestly, I'm tired of doing that.
It's exhausting always thinking your not enough and that you can't be happy until you change something/everything.
And I realized this morning, that I have stopped thinking that way, at least for the most part.
I am happy.
And I am happy that I'm imperfect.
Cause if I have found joy in this "imperfect" life, then I know my perfect life is already here.

Push Me!

2010-07-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

For some time I have felt I am standing on the outskirts of great knowledge.
And I know I belong in that circle of knowing, but my mind refuses to take the next step.
I see it. It's a small step.
Yet out of my reach.
Like I'm afraid it won't hold my weight.
I look behind me for help and instead of seeing support, or even strings tying me down, there is nothing. Nothing.
The longer I stay in this self inflicted mind limbo the more confused I become.
Maybe someone could push me?

Passports

2010-07-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

Never have had a passport.
My travels have been in country. Well, I went to Canada once, but that was long before we needed anything specific to get in. And Mexico, same there.
But with Egypt in our future, a passport is a must.
We went and applied for ours yesterday and they charged us $300!
Does that seem pretty pricey to anyone else?
And what if we are denied?
Do we get that money back?
Not that we will be. No arrests or suspicious behavior on our part.
At least they are good for ten years.

New Phone

2010-06-23T06:52:00.001-07:00

We went to the pool Monday.
My phone survived splashing and general wildness of my children while there.
We get in the car and my son's cup falls over in my bag, on top of my phone.
Soaked.
Completely.
I remove back and battery.
I let dry.
I replace.
Nothing.
I was about to have a &*#&%&%^&%&*^% moment when I realized that it was close enough to my birthday to actually get a new phone.
YA!!!!!
The hubs and I had been talking about upgrading me for about six months now and we were gonna wait out my contract.
But . . . . . .
Things happen ;)
So I am now the proud owner of a MyTouch 3G Slide. (In black)
And I have internet through my phone for the first time ever.
Whoop!
I'm so glad spill proof cups don't work.

At times

2010-06-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna get up in the middle of this post to get more coffee, you should know this.

It being Father's Day and all, I'm up (EARLY) with the babies while the husband sleeps.
And sleeps and sleeps.
Most days I love the job of being a mom.
Today is not most days.
My two year old insist on motorboating me before eight this morning, refused his breakfast, won't get his hand out of his diaper and will probably poop and need changing while I'm in the middle of this sentence.
My fault. It's a long sentence.
Of course my daughter is being perfect. If you ignore the 3 year old attitude, bouncing on the couch and general bossing around of my son.
Little things.
I realize this.
Things always feel better after the second cup of coffee (or glass of wine, but seeing how it's not even noon on Sunday, I'll wait)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! (aka- not my day)

Big Year

2010-06-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

For me, 2010 feels like a big year.
I turn 30 this year, the hubs turned 30 this year, we have been married seven years and together 10. So we should do something big. Yes? Yes.
At first I was thinking just about me.
But then after talking to Alan (the hubs) I realized he felt the same about this year.
And would also like to do something big to commemorate this big year.
Soooooo . . . . . . .
We are looking at a trip to the following places:
Fiji
Camping in the Grand Canyon.
Pocono Mountains.
Egypt.
I'm leaning toward Egypt cause I REALLY feel drawn there.
And I ruled out Fiji cause I want more from there than we can afford at this time. So I'm willing to wait till we make our first million. ;)

Shower Epiphanies

2010-06-10T11:30:00.001-07:00

So like it says, while in the shower today I had a thought.
A, holy crap, for real?? An answer to a question I hadn't thought to ask.
For Christmas this past year my sister and I exchanged reflection affirmation shirts.
I was drawn to the affirmation "I love and accept myself as I am".
It feels powerful. I dig it.
And there are so many affirmations out there. Ones I could totally wear and not be embarrassed by and feel I definitely address some issues I have.
For example -
"My body is wonderful and beautiful"
"I am successful"
"Every decision I makes supports my higher self"
You get the point.
So I'm putting soap on the loofah, (stop daydreaming Yrautca ;) and it hits me.
If I love and accept myself as I am, then I am all the above things as well.
So simple.
Yet something strong inside me screams, YES! YOU FINALLY GET IT! This is why I was so drawn to this affirmation. I have struggled to believe I am worth this glorious life. Even with what some might think are faults, I am. Oh yes, I am.

So, " I love and accept myself as I am".

And I urge you to do the same.

Cause this is what I look at all day

2010-06-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

They are pretty cute. Right?
Right. I know. I am sooooo that "I think my kids are the cutest" mom.
Alivia's hair is getting so curly.
I am tempted to give it a trim so that it will grow longer, but fear the tears and hysteria (on my part) when her curls happen to not keep growing.
Jackson's vocabulary has grown a ton.
Including the word shit.
And I'd like to blame the hubs for it. But alas, that would be my fault.
So this is what I enjoy all day.
But I am so ready for MDO to start back up! :)

SUMMER!!

2010-05-26T06:10:00.000-07:00

So officially, it's not summer.
But this is Texas people.
It is hot.
We busted out the baby pool and sprinklers.
I have a faint tan line.
It's summer.
I praise the sun right now.
Check back in a month and I'm sure I'll be cursing it.
Like I said, this is Texas people.

Made it!

2010-05-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

I finished the cleanse. I made it 20 days as I had hoped.
This week I reintroduced food and I should be eating normally by Saturday.
Just in time for Mother's Day.
Which I am looking forward to because I told the hubs I wanted a massage and I'm most certain that is what I am getting.
For a second I thought, you know, that's kind of pricey for a MD gift, and then I thought, you know, I did push two children out of my body.
So I asked for it anyway. :)
I feel great from the cleanse.
Started back to the gym and taking a class that combines tai chi, pilates and yoga.
Love it!
I feel very open and free at this moment in life and I am currently in the mind set to hold on to that.

kreativesentiments.com

2010-04-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

That is my website.
I started my own little business a few months ago.
It is going ok. But I realize I'm pretty lazy about getting business.
I've been going on word of mouth.
So this is my mention of it and hopefully it will boost its place when someone Google searches. ;)

And if you want to check it out -kreativesentiments.com

Master Cleanse

2010-04-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of it?
It's fab. Truly.
I did it last year for 14 days.
No food.
Only lemon juice, syrup, cayenne pepper and water.
And a tea at night.
Felt great for a few months after until I started eating unhealthy again.
But I love it because it resets my mind/body cravings.
So I have been feeling weighed down and came to the conclusion that I must cleanse again.
Really, I may make it a three times a year thing. Cause I LOVE the way I feel.
I wake up with so much energy.
When I go to sleep at night it is a peaceful deep sleep.
So this is what I am doing.
I'll let you know how long I can go this go around.

An apology

2010-04-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

We have a communication issue. We have for ten years.
Usually it hides under our happiness. And then, BAM!
It is usually only a problem when I am feeling insecure.
And I recognize that really, I do.
My insecurities tend to bring out the worst in me.
So we have a fight, which is mostly over text and that infuriates me further, and he apologizes. And then everything is better.
EVERYTHING IS BETTER!
How the hell does that happen?

SPRING!

2010-03-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

I can't be asked to stay inside today.
Walls cannot hold me in on a beautiful spring day like this.
Praise to the universe for bringing me this blessing.
And praise to the inventor of swing sets, which this post exist because of.

Experiment

2010-03-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

I currently have in the oven chocolate and oat bars.
I looked up a recipe on line and modified to what I had in the pantry.
Hopefully I will have a tasty, healthy snack come out of the oven in 30 minutes.

Ingredients: (don't try till I let you know!)

2 cups Oats - toasted for ten minutes
2 cups Rice Krispys
1/2 cup choc chips
1/2 cup agave nectar
2 tablespoons flour
3 drops of vanilla
4 grinds of the sea salt
mix and spread on cookie sheet at 350 degrees for thirty minutes

99

2010-03-09T05:27:00.000-08:00

So a dear friend of my MIL's passed away and today is her funeral.
The few times I had met her she was so sweet and tried so hard to ask questions about the kids and myself. Like she was really interested.
I hope at 99 I still want to learn about others and make friends.
Ms. Katheryn will be missed. And always remembered.

More Feng Shui

2010-03-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

So we moved a lot of things in the house and added some touches.
The house feels GREAT!
And I lost 5 pounds in five days right after the feng shui decorating!!
Needless to say, I'm a believer.
I need plants. That is really the only big feng shui addition I have left.
And I've been hesitant because I kill plants.
Little afraid of them.

Snow Pics

2010-02-25T07:21:00.000-08:00

We had a lot of fun making a snow man and using the kids toys as buttons and eyes. Jackson was a little cold and ready to go in after it was done.
And of course, Texas stays true and it is sunny and high of 60 today!

SNOW!!

2010-02-24T04:36:00.000-08:00

Ok.
I loooooove snow.
Pretty. White. Things look magical in the snow.
(Remember I'm from Texas)
And all year, as strange as it is, the lower Texas cities have been receiving snow.
I of course was out of town when it happened here and then here when it happened when I was suppose to be out of town to my mom's, where she got a FOOT.
Anyhoo.
We got a lot yesterday.
I got to see snow fall for at least 6 hours.
Perfect.
And then the hubs came home and we all went outside and made a snowman, "Texan" style. (pics later)
Thank you Universe for giving me snow. And for the long cold winter here in Texas. You know how I adore the cold.

Surge

2010-02-16T15:32:00.000-08:00

I was on my way to pick up the kiddos from Mother's Day Out (MDO).
I heart Tuesdays for this reason.
Anyhoo, I pass a school and when it is nice out, as it was today, there are children outside walking the track. I'd guess they are around ten.
I was stopped at the light and got to observe them.
And today, I felt this overwhelming surge of joy watching them.
Children. Pure. Simple. Wonderful.
And I couldn't help but think, wow, these little guys are just starting their journey. How neat! How excited they must feel all the time.
It reminds me to stay excited about life. To stay joyful everyday.
Cause each day I wake up I'm on my own new journey.

V-Day '10

2010-02-14T17:19:00.001-08:00

This was the dinner I made for my husband. It was really really yummy.
Don't be jealous. ;)

All Stars

2010-02-13T18:45:00.000-08:00

I like basketball very little.
If there is a game on and the hubs really wants to watch, ok. I'll do it.
But seriously, do I have to watch the slam dunk and other random, basket challenges?
Really?
*sigh*
I'm so glad there is wine in the house.

Valentine's Gift

2010-02-11T05:44:00.000-08:00

The husband surprised me with a new laptop as an early v-day gift.
Love it!!
I do wish it was green, but seeing how it only cost him $15, I won't complain too much.
I'm pretty sure my house shouldn't be taking on anymore electronics.
Feng shui is pretty adamant about the fact they harbor negative energy and are all around bad for you to be around to much.
Oh well.
I'm gonna enjoy my new toy. :)

Feng Shui

2010-02-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

I have hired my sister to feng shui my house.
So far I have learned that my kitchen is my career area.
Which is crazy, because I feel like I spend more time there than anywhere else in the house.
Very excited to get to the redecorating.
I just love an excuse to shop. ;)

Jesus Juice

2010-01-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

I love wine. The red stuff mostly.
The hubs and I buy cheap.
But honestly, is there anything better?
No.
No there is not.

Comment Moderation

2010-01-24T06:10:00.000-08:00

So I just realized this was on. Somewhere in the changes blogger made and me being an occasional poster, I missed this. So thanks for the comments people.
And you should know, I was under the impression no one stopped here and I was a little more open than I probably would have been on my last few posts.
But I'm gonna keep that going.
It feels nice.
And liberating.
And this year I am working on caring what I think about myself and not what I think others are perceiving me to be.
So . . . . .
Happy Sunday!

A Thank You note to my Spanish nanny

2010-01-12T15:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Wonderful Spanish Nanny,

Thank you for always having my house smell of goodness. Thank you keeping my children entertained while I work and loving them unconditionally as I do. And for teaching them spanish so that they may communicate with others better.
Thank you for enchiladas, homemade salsa and guacamole.
You are always on time, I appreciate that.
You always offer to stay the night with the children so that my husband and I can enjoy our special dates. That is a quality I cherish.
Thank you for being the best Spanish nanny ever to have lived and I am so grateful that you are my Spanish nanny.

- B

No, I don't have one. But I believe in the law of attraction. And while I have been attracting some negative things in my life, I have come to one conclusion - my thoughts are uber powerful.
I decided I should do something positive with those thoughts.
And I really really really want a spanish nanny.
So . . . . .

Not like the rest

2010-01-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

For as long as I can remember, I have embraced each new year with nostalgia riding piggy back and questions tied around my ankles.
But this year, well, this year is different.
I havenot wanted to "remember" things.
I have not had a bunch of "what ifs" running around in my head and dragging me down.
I've been happy.
Unconditionally happy.
And I'm excited, truly excited to start this new year.
When usually I'm not.
Yeah!
Happy New Year!

Unsaid

2009-12-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

I'm currently learning to keep my mouth shut.
Well, I think I've always been trying to practice this, but this month for sure, the lessons are coming full force. And now more than ever, I need to leave things unsaid.
Yes. Keep my mouth shut.
That will be on repeat in my brain the next time I am in a social situation.
Don't speak. (Good song, better advice)

Labels

2009-11-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

I'm uncomfortable with them.
Haven't always been.
I'd say I was in fact a label-er.
But I've changed. As we do.
And as I learn to love more and in an unconditional manner, I become increasingly uncomfortable with labels.

-Wife
-Mother
-Sister
-Friend
-Co-worker
-Teacher
-Daughter
-Daughter-in-law
-Sister-in-law
-Aunt
-Cousin
-Small Business Owner (this one is VERY recent)

And really, I guess I should clarify.
The labels aren't what makes me uncomfortable, its the identification with them.
It's the knowledge that people will judge others based upon those labels.
And we are all so much more.

Boo

2009-11-01T13:46:00.000-08:00

"Dora and Boots"

My goal: feel the answer, live it.

2009-07-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

So here I am.
Content with myself and my life.
Not needing.
Not even wanting, except for the occasional primal need of food and water.
And yet, within this, I wonder where I am.
Does that makes sense?
Cause it doesn't to me.

I question. Almost everything.
Yet I know the answer. To almost everything.
It is there. Hiding in my knowledge. In me.
My goal: feel the answer, live it.

To Sandra

2008-07-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I put THAT in writing for all to see. :)
And I am so very glad I saw you and your beautiful daughter this weekend.

The new baby

2008-05-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

This was at 2 weeks. And he is almost two months.

It's broke

2007-12-18T08:44:00.000-08:00

So, I'm a fixer.
I can listen and comfort and not say a word but all the while I will be trying to figure out a solution to the problem, reason for sadness, etc. in my head. I won't tell. Unless you ask of course, or if you are close enough to me that I speak my mind no matter what. Then I'll fix it.
Anyhoo
Point is this.
I have come across a situation I can't fix.
And all my ideas to help apparently won't work.
But it is one of those situations that if it doesn't get fixed then my children will suffer, not to mention my husband and rest of my family.
I'm not the one to fix it. I have come to terms with that.
So what next?

I feel like breaking out in song

2007-12-07T18:46:00.000-08:00

This week I have really reflected on how my outlook on life has changed over the past year. My daughter turned one last week. She is walking and babbling and learning and amazing me everyday with her ability to absorb all the knowledge that exists around her. There is nothing she doesn't learn from.
But I digress.
I used to want so strongly to never experience anything bad. But now, its like I know I have to otherwise there would be no good.
I get it now.
If there was never any "bad" then how could I ever appreciate the "good". And maybe because I am a mother or not so much a mother, but a person who is the world for another, I cherish that good so much more than I ever have before in my life.
I want so strongly now to never lose sight of what makes me happy. Of what gives me peace. I want so strongly not to be angry at anything or one because I know that the anger I give into tarnishes the good I might be experience.
I'll take the bad, when it comes.
But I'll take the good and hold on so much tighter than I did before.

What may be the cutest sleeping baby ever

2007-11-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to post

2007-10-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

Really.
I have been trying so hard.
But every time I sit down to share my ins and outs and thoughts and whatnots, the booger (my daughter) decides to make that task impossible.
At this moment, she is sitting at my feet, screaming.
No tears mind you.
She just wants to be picked up.
I am so ready for the needy stage to end.

Best TGIF ever starts tomorrow!!

2007-09-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

As of tomorrow at 5:00 p.m. I will embark on my new path of life.
Being a Housewife/mom.
They threw me a little going away lunch today and my boss splurged on an hour massage for me. Which is great, because the deciding factor in our decision for me to stay home with Alivia is that I am pregnant, again.
And the day care bill would have been ridiculous!!!
Not to mention that the doctor is treating this pregnancy as high risk because of what happend with Alivia. And she seems to think that my blood pressure issue will be MUCH better without the added stress of work.
So, I will be a woman of leisure, so to speak, starting tomorrow afternoon.
YIKES!!
What will I do all day?
What if Alivia misses daycare?
HELP!!!
No, really, I am excited. My house will be forever clean and I can start experimenting in the kitchen like I have always wanted but never had the time for.
Then when the second baby arrives in April, I can shoot myself. ;)

The Birthday

2007-08-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

Holy moly . . . I am officially in my late twenties.
That is all.

13 years

2007-07-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

You would think that after 13 years of being married you would be in it forever. Of course we all know that is not so. We have a divorce going on now in our office and the couple has been married for almost 40 years.
So I guess you never know.
And if you never know . . . . . . . . . . .
Anyhoo, my mom and sperm donor were married 13 years before she kicked his ass out and let the pathetic excuse for a father be who he is, a pathetic excuse for a father, and I wonder now when she knew.
When she knew in her heart that it was over for them.
I have always heard that girls marry someone like their dad.
I, of course, did not.
Did I?
Cause the person I chose to make my everything is a most fabulous person.
And I know, people make mistakes. I'm not suggesting that I need perfection. Or that he is. Or that I am.
And I understand that what I expect may be a tall order to fill.
But when faced with the unexpected realization that some of my pathetic excuse for a father's traits are mirrored in my everything, I am left speechless.
And scared.
So so scared.
It is frightening to me that after four years (tomorrow) of marriage we might still be a gamble and not the sure bet I believed we were.

The reason . . .

2007-06-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am such a bad blogger.

I know this.

I am going to work on it.

My little sweetie is just about seven months old.

Sitting up.

Babbling.

Eating baby food and loving it.

She has also had 4 ear infections and the doctor is talking tubes.

It frightens me but I know it will help her.

Life seems really good right now.

Except for the whole I have to go to work every day thing.

But hubby is getting raises and I will hopefully be a stay at home mom next year (just in time to start on baby #2!)

Little things

2007-03-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

Hubby is putting the baby down for me. We just got back from my parent's house and there is the normal unpacking and such to do. Plus, Alivia starts day care for the first time tomorrow so there are emergency contacts to fill out and bank accounts to verify available funds.
Anyhoo.
I was just picking up our room and unpacking our bag, getting the bed ready to sleep in and there, sitting innocently, was one of Alivia's little pink socks. Just this tiny piece of fabric lying amongst other pieces of mine and hubby's clothing.
And I thought to myself, wow.
How can it be so commonplace to see that little pink (baby) sock there on the bed with my things?

Let's be honest

2007-03-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how to be this person I am trying to be.
A wife.
A mom.
A friend.
A good employee.
Never have I had to jugle so many titles.
And never have I doubted my ability at so many roles.
Let's be honest, I suck at being a wife. I am lucky to have a hubby who is laid back enough to wait around while I get the hang of caring about someone else before myself.
Being a good employee was easy before the mom role came into play. Now work seems to be this chore, this horrible horrible chore.
And I don't really know if I have ever been a good friend.
I think maybe I can be but I let my other roles cloud the friend one.
We have yet to see how I am at the mom role.
Most days (middle of the night) I wake up and can't believe this perfect little thing came out of me. And I am oh so very scared of screwing her up. How can I provide a life for someone when I can't seem to get my own straight?
And how the hell am I suppose to combine all these roles/titles into one person?
And how the hell does anyone else do it?

How come?

2007-02-28T14:28:00.000-08:00

"How come I have to go to bed? It's still light outside!"
"Because it's eight o'clock and that is your bedtime," her momma said.
"But there are kids still playing outside!!" she wailed. "Please let me stay up and play . . . *sniffs* . . . please, momma?"
Her momma responds firmly, "Do you want me to tuck you in or not?"

"How come I can't go to Six Flags with Holley?"
"Because you don't have an adult going with you. You could get hurt being alone," her momma advises.
"But EVERYONE else I know gets to go and I never get to do ANYTHING!!" she screams.
Her momma responds firmly, "Take that tone again with me young lady and you really won't be doing anything this summer."

"How come I have to be home so early? I just graduated, Mom."
"Your curfew is midnight so be happy your getting an extra hour," her momma replied.
"God! You are so unfair," she spats, "I am so moving out of here tomorrow."

"How come you can't live with me and we could do everything together?"
"Your married now honey, with a baby coming, you had to grow up and have your own life," her momma sympathizes.
"But I miss you so much, momma," she says choked up, " I wish you were here."