Didn't escape it

Oh lord! I find myself saying things and as soon as they leave my mouth I know I sound just like my mother.
Why does this happen?
I realize I want my kids to act the way my mom wanted me to act.
When I tell the little turds to do something, I expect it to happen.
It doesn't (a lot).
So my reaction is to get angry.
And with that anger comes guilt for trying to mold them into something they aren't.
They need the freedom, and I want to give it to them, to be who they are and figure out life their way. *sigh* Even if that way clashes with my own wishes.
Parenting is tricky.
Their smirks and smiles make it easier though.

7 years

Today I have been married to this man for seven years.
We have been together for ten.
And like always, I'll be honest, the first year sucked. Big time.
But we are in our groove.
We have adjusted to being a twosome.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!

So all my life I've had this idea in my head about happiness.
It included perfection.
I thought, no I can't be happy right now cause ____ isn't perfect.
Wow. I see it written.
Say it again to myself.
What a crap way to look at things.
But this morning while washing my face ( I get all my epiphanies in the bathroom) I realized that I may not think my entire life is perfect right now, but I'm happy.
So I'm overweight. Still I'm happy.
So I think maybe my life isn't the life I signed up for. Still, I'm happy.
I can pick out a number of things that I would say aren't perfect, about myself or my life, but honestly, I'm tired of doing that.
It's exhausting always thinking your not enough and that you can't be happy until you change something/everything.
And I realized this morning, that I have stopped thinking that way, at least for the most part.
I am happy.
And I am happy that I'm imperfect.
Cause if I have found joy in this "imperfect" life, then I know my perfect life is already here.

Push Me!

For some time I have felt I am standing on the outskirts of great knowledge.
And I know I belong in that circle of knowing, but my mind refuses to take the next step.
I see it. It's a small step.
Yet out of my reach.
Like I'm afraid it won't hold my weight.
I look behind me for help and instead of seeing support, or even strings tying me down, there is nothing. Nothing.
The longer I stay in this self inflicted mind limbo the more confused I become.
Maybe someone could push me?

Passports

Never have had a passport.
My travels have been in country. Well, I went to Canada once, but that was long before we needed anything specific to get in. And Mexico, same there.
But with Egypt in our future, a passport is a must.
We went and applied for ours yesterday and they charged us $300!
Does that seem pretty pricey to anyone else?
And what if we are denied?
Do we get that money back?
Not that we will be. No arrests or suspicious behavior on our part.
At least they are good for ten years.

New Phone

We went to the pool Monday.
My phone survived splashing and general wildness of my children while there.
We get in the car and my son's cup falls over in my bag, on top of my phone.
Soaked.
Completely.
I remove back and battery.
I let dry.
I replace.
Nothing.
I was about to have a &*#&%&%^&%&*^% moment when I realized that it was close enough to my birthday to actually get a new phone.
YA!!!!!
The hubs and I had been talking about upgrading me for about six months now and we were gonna wait out my contract.
But . . . . . .
Things happen ;)
So I am now the proud owner of a MyTouch 3G Slide. (In black)
And I have internet through my phone for the first time ever.
Whoop!
I'm so glad spill proof cups don't work.

At times

I'm gonna get up in the middle of this post to get more coffee, you should know this.

It being Father's Day and all, I'm up (EARLY) with the babies while the husband sleeps.
And sleeps and sleeps.
Most days I love the job of being a mom.
Today is not most days.
My two year old insist on motorboating me before eight this morning, refused his breakfast, won't get his hand out of his diaper and will probably poop and need changing while I'm in the middle of this sentence.
My fault. It's a long sentence.
Of course my daughter is being perfect. If you ignore the 3 year old attitude, bouncing on the couch and general bossing around of my son.
Little things.
I realize this.
Things always feel better after the second cup of coffee (or glass of wine, but seeing how it's not even noon on Sunday, I'll wait)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! (aka- not my day)

Big Year

For me, 2010 feels like a big year.
I turn 30 this year, the hubs turned 30 this year, we have been married seven years and together 10. So we should do something big. Yes? Yes.
At first I was thinking just about me.
But then after talking to Alan (the hubs) I realized he felt the same about this year.
And would also like to do something big to commemorate this big year.
Soooooo . . . . . . .
We are looking at a trip to the following places:
Fiji
Camping in the Grand Canyon.
Pocono Mountains.
Egypt.
I'm leaning toward Egypt cause I REALLY feel drawn there.
And I ruled out Fiji cause I want more from there than we can afford at this time. So I'm willing to wait till we make our first million. ;)

Shower Epiphanies

So like it says, while in the shower today I had a thought.
A, holy crap, for real?? An answer to a question I hadn't thought to ask.
For Christmas this past year my sister and I exchanged reflection affirmation shirts.
I was drawn to the affirmation "I love and accept myself as I am".
It feels powerful. I dig it.
And there are so many affirmations out there. Ones I could totally wear and not be embarrassed by and feel I definitely address some issues I have.
For example -
"My body is wonderful and beautiful"
"I am successful"
"Every decision I makes supports my higher self"
You get the point.
So I'm putting soap on the loofah, (stop daydreaming Yrautca ;) and it hits me.
If I love and accept myself as I am, then I am all the above things as well.
So simple.
Yet something strong inside me screams, YES! YOU FINALLY GET IT! This is why I was so drawn to this affirmation. I have struggled to believe I am worth this glorious life. Even with what some might think are faults, I am. Oh yes, I am.

So, " I love and accept myself as I am".

And I urge you to do the same.

Cause this is what I look at all day

They are pretty cute. Right?
Right. I know. I am sooooo that "I think my kids are the cutest" mom.
Alivia's hair is getting so curly.
I am tempted to give it a trim so that it will grow longer, but fear the tears and hysteria (on my part) when her curls happen to not keep growing.
Jackson's vocabulary has grown a ton.
Including the word shit.
And I'd like to blame the hubs for it. But alas, that would be my fault.
So this is what I enjoy all day.
But I am so ready for MDO to start back up! :)

SUMMER!!

So officially, it's not summer.
But this is Texas people.
It is hot.
We busted out the baby pool and sprinklers.
I have a faint tan line.
It's summer.
I praise the sun right now.
Check back in a month and I'm sure I'll be cursing it.
Like I said, this is Texas people.

Made it!

I finished the cleanse. I made it 20 days as I had hoped.
This week I reintroduced food and I should be eating normally by Saturday.
Just in time for Mother's Day.
Which I am looking forward to because I told the hubs I wanted a massage and I'm most certain that is what I am getting.
For a second I thought, you know, that's kind of pricey for a MD gift, and then I thought, you know, I did push two children out of my body.
So I asked for it anyway. :)
I feel great from the cleanse.
Started back to the gym and taking a class that combines tai chi, pilates and yoga.
Love it!
I feel very open and free at this moment in life and I am currently in the mind set to hold on to that.

kreativesentiments.com

That is my website.
I started my own little business a few months ago.
It is going ok. But I realize I'm pretty lazy about getting business.
I've been going on word of mouth.
So this is my mention of it and hopefully it will boost its place when someone Google searches. ;)

And if you want to check it out -kreativesentiments.com

Master Cleanse

Have you heard of it?
It's fab. Truly.
I did it last year for 14 days.
No food.
Only lemon juice, syrup, cayenne pepper and water.
And a tea at night.
Felt great for a few months after until I started eating unhealthy again.
But I love it because it resets my mind/body cravings.
So I have been feeling weighed down and came to the conclusion that I must cleanse again.
Really, I may make it a three times a year thing. Cause I LOVE the way I feel.
I wake up with so much energy.
When I go to sleep at night it is a peaceful deep sleep.
So this is what I am doing.
I'll let you know how long I can go this go around.

An apology

We have a communication issue. We have for ten years.
Usually it hides under our happiness. And then, BAM!
It is usually only a problem when I am feeling insecure.
And I recognize that really, I do.
My insecurities tend to bring out the worst in me.
So we have a fight, which is mostly over text and that infuriates me further, and he apologizes. And then everything is better.
EVERYTHING IS BETTER!
How the hell does that happen?

SPRING!

I can't be asked to stay inside today.
Walls cannot hold me in on a beautiful spring day like this.
Praise to the universe for bringing me this blessing.
And praise to the inventor of swing sets, which this post exist because of.

Experiment

I currently have in the oven chocolate and oat bars.
I looked up a recipe on line and modified to what I had in the pantry.
Hopefully I will have a tasty, healthy snack come out of the oven in 30 minutes.

Ingredients: (don't try till I let you know!)

2 cups Oats - toasted for ten minutes
2 cups Rice Krispys
1/2 cup choc chips
1/2 cup agave nectar
2 tablespoons flour
3 drops of vanilla
4 grinds of the sea salt
mix and spread on cookie sheet at 350 degrees for thirty minutes

99

So a dear friend of my MIL's passed away and today is her funeral.
The few times I had met her she was so sweet and tried so hard to ask questions about the kids and myself. Like she was really interested.
I hope at 99 I still want to learn about others and make friends.
Ms. Katheryn will be missed. And always remembered.

More Feng Shui

So we moved a lot of things in the house and added some touches.
The house feels GREAT!
And I lost 5 pounds in five days right after the feng shui decorating!!
Needless to say, I'm a believer.
I need plants. That is really the only big feng shui addition I have left.
And I've been hesitant because I kill plants.
Little afraid of them.

Snow Pics

We had a lot of fun making a snow man and using the kids toys as buttons and eyes. Jackson was a little cold and ready to go in after it was done.
And of course, Texas stays true and it is sunny and high of 60 today!