The Birthday

Holy moly . . . I am officially in my late twenties.
That is all.

13 years

You would think that after 13 years of being married you would be in it forever. Of course we all know that is not so. We have a divorce going on now in our office and the couple has been married for almost 40 years.
So I guess you never know.
And if you never know . . . . . . . . . . .
Anyhoo, my mom and sperm donor were married 13 years before she kicked his ass out and let the pathetic excuse for a father be who he is, a pathetic excuse for a father, and I wonder now when she knew.
When she knew in her heart that it was over for them.
I have always heard that girls marry someone like their dad.
I, of course, did not.
Did I?
Cause the person I chose to make my everything is a most fabulous person.
And I know, people make mistakes. I'm not suggesting that I need perfection. Or that he is. Or that I am.
And I understand that what I expect may be a tall order to fill.
But when faced with the unexpected realization that some of my pathetic excuse for a father's traits are mirrored in my everything, I am left speechless.
And scared.
So so scared.
It is frightening to me that after four years (tomorrow) of marriage we might still be a gamble and not the sure bet I believed we were.

The reason . . .

I am such a bad blogger.

I know this.

I am going to work on it.

My little sweetie is just about seven months old.

Sitting up.

Babbling.

Eating baby food and loving it.

She has also had 4 ear infections and the doctor is talking tubes.

It frightens me but I know it will help her.

Life seems really good right now.

Except for the whole I have to go to work every day thing.

But hubby is getting raises and I will hopefully be a stay at home mom next year (just in time to start on baby #2!)

Little things

Hubby is putting the baby down for me. We just got back from my parent's house and there is the normal unpacking and such to do. Plus, Alivia starts day care for the first time tomorrow so there are emergency contacts to fill out and bank accounts to verify available funds.
Anyhoo.
I was just picking up our room and unpacking our bag, getting the bed ready to sleep in and there, sitting innocently, was one of Alivia's little pink socks. Just this tiny piece of fabric lying amongst other pieces of mine and hubby's clothing.
And I thought to myself, wow.
How can it be so commonplace to see that little pink (baby) sock there on the bed with my things?

Let's be honest

I have no idea how to be this person I am trying to be.
A wife.
A mom.
A friend.
A good employee.
Never have I had to jugle so many titles.
And never have I doubted my ability at so many roles.
Let's be honest, I suck at being a wife. I am lucky to have a hubby who is laid back enough to wait around while I get the hang of caring about someone else before myself.
Being a good employee was easy before the mom role came into play. Now work seems to be this chore, this horrible horrible chore.
And I don't really know if I have ever been a good friend.
I think maybe I can be but I let my other roles cloud the friend one.
We have yet to see how I am at the mom role.
Most days (middle of the night) I wake up and can't believe this perfect little thing came out of me. And I am oh so very scared of screwing her up. How can I provide a life for someone when I can't seem to get my own straight?
And how the hell am I suppose to combine all these roles/titles into one person?
And how the hell does anyone else do it?

How come?

"How come I have to go to bed? It's still light outside!"
"Because it's eight o'clock and that is your bedtime," her momma said.
"But there are kids still playing outside!!" she wailed. "Please let me stay up and play . . . *sniffs* . . . please, momma?"
Her momma responds firmly, "Do you want me to tuck you in or not?"

"How come I can't go to Six Flags with Holley?"
"Because you don't have an adult going with you. You could get hurt being alone," her momma advises.
"But EVERYONE else I know gets to go and I never get to do ANYTHING!!" she screams.
Her momma responds firmly, "Take that tone again with me young lady and you really won't be doing anything this summer."

"How come I have to be home so early? I just graduated, Mom."
"Your curfew is midnight so be happy your getting an extra hour," her momma replied.
"God! You are so unfair," she spats, "I am so moving out of here tomorrow."

"How come you can't live with me and we could do everything together?"
"Your married now honey, with a baby coming, you had to grow up and have your own life," her momma sympathizes.
"But I miss you so much, momma," she says choked up, " I wish you were here."

Finally

I have just received the best gift from my child.
She let me sleep for five straight hours.
Two nights in a row!!!!!!!!!

On another note, I would like to tell you (you know who you are) that contrary to (your) belief I am not stupid. If you really think so then you should tell our boss and have me fired. Otherwise, I'm gonna kick you in the nuts the next time you treat me as you have. I graduated from the same f*#king university that you did, ASSHOLE.

Love, Berly

I got nothin

My life is totally all about my baby now.
I thought maybe I wouldn't be one of those moms.
But I am.
Completely.
And instead of being ashamed that I am no longer Kimberly and have now become solely "Alivia's Mom", I'm gonna try embracing this fact.
So . . . . . . . . Some pics of Alivia.
She is getting big fast.

Never said enough

Thank you for . . .

. . . the love you always give.
. . . the support that is neverending and never comes with strings or judgment.
. . . the way you look at me. (Like I am a somebody)
. . . getting up for her early feedings.
. . . cookies and cream ice cream last night.
. . . my car.
. . . laughing at my stupid jokes.
. . . calming me down when I've gone to far.
. . . making sure I leave the house with hot coffee.
. . . starting my car everyone morning.
. . . being my everything.
. . . making me your everything.
. . . giving me the most beautiful child.

. . . being my most perfect husband.

Dear Mr. Booger Eater,

Do not, under any circumstances pick your nose and eat your boogers while driving down Villa Maria in the afternoon. There is absolutely no freaking reason to eat your boogers. No. Not a one. It is sick. Disgusting. And it makes me want to vomit to be completely honest. A lot.

Your fellow driver,

berly

P.S. You are naste!

200th Post

I started back to work this week.
God am I tired.
So tired I want to sit in a corner and cry.
Or sleep.
Whatever.
The office is . . . well . . . lets just say that next time I get pregnant I might not take maternity leave.
Nothing is how is should be. I have been cleaning up messes and organizing since I got back.
I have no idea what is going on with my files.
I miss Alivia like crazy.
And she isn't even at the sitter's house yet.
Hubby and I have been working half days each cause she isn't allowed to go to the sitter's till she has her two month immunizations. (Next week)
So I leave her in the morning (and hold back tears all the way to work) and by the time I get home at lunch I want to cry again cause I missed her so much.
Oh, and she totally smiled at me the other. Focused her eyes on me and smiled.
It was thrilling.
Did I mention that I am about to fall asleep with my eyes open?

Some pics

We are home and doing well.
I promise to update soon.
Things have just been kinda crazy.

My Daughter

Alivia Rose Shearer came to us on November 30, 2006. She is seven weeks premature. I developed severe preclampsia and the doctors had to induce me. I pushed her out in an hour and half. It was so very very painful people.
She weighed in at 4 lbs 14 oz and 18 inches long. Her feet and hands are gigantic!!
On day two of her life she got moved from NICU to Special Care. We are hoping to have her home by Christmas.
I had to be transferred to another hospital about an hour from our town because my hospital didn't have room for her.
We are lucky enough to be in the Ronald McDonald house. We visit her every three hours for feeding. Please, keep us in your prayers. Alivia is doing well, but she has a ways to go.

Co's friend Rita is a Liar

I just have to tell you all this, pregnancy is not super great and fabulous.
Oh no, it is not.
Is it magical. Yes
Is it really awesome to feel the baby move. Yes
Is it an experience I want to do again. I am looking into the surrogate mother thing. And if saying that makes me a bad mom before my daughter is even born, so be it. I won't lie to you people!
I wake up every night at least five times with intense pain in my hips. I woke up hubby last night cause I was whimpering.
Mom says its cause my hips are spreading for the birth.
UGH!
Like my ass getting big isn't enough, it gets to be accompanied by pain, suffering and sleep deprivation.
Also, why can't maternity clothes makers design shirts with full sleeves?
We are pregnant.
Everything is bigger.
Those tiny non sleeves are uncomfortable and show our flabby arms!!!
Lastly, the swelling has happened.
And that is all I will say about that.


(Don't get me wrong people, I am thrilled to be having this baby!)

Per Lindsey's (Linny) Request

My pregnant self at about five months.
I'm a little bigger right now (almost six months) but hubby likes to take a pic once a month and then compare them to see how huge I have become.


Hubby picked the name Alivia Rose.
I love it.
Pregnancy is going . . .
A little over three months left!!

Just this one

In light of Sexy Suburbanite's August 15th post, I just had to stop in and blog a bit. Check her out at www.sexysuburbanite.blogspot.com. I don't know how to link. Hubby does it for me.
Anyhoo.
We are having a GIRL!!
And they moved my due date to January 9, 2007.
A full eight days sooner than I believe the true due date should be.
But then again, Alan says I'm having a ten pounder.
And really, he should be stoned for that.

Champagne wishes and caviar dreams

The day has come for me to retire my blog.
At least for the next few months.
Work has become overwhelming, my sister's twins have arrived, the house demands attention, lots of attention and I find myself absorbed in baby related things, which really, no one wants to hear about.
But don't you kids worry one bit.
I will most certainly still be reading all of your entries and keeping up to date on everyone's life.
Love ya!

Drum roll please

Here they are.
Finally, I know.
Some are of the day we bought the house others are, obviously, post moving everything (almost).


Yeah!! Isn't it adorable?


This is gonna be the baby's room. We are gonna do a cloud theme. Then when we find out what sex the shrimp size growth inside of me is, we will incorporate primary colors for boy and pastels for girl.



This is the most gorgeous table I told you about.


I was watching VH1 this morning. I'm addicted to the count down.

So, that is most of my house. Hope you all are satisfied with the pics!

The Voicemail

My phone went dead Sunday morning. And I have lost my home charger somewhere in the move. So, when I hooked up my cell this morning at work I had ten messages.
How is that possible?
No one ever calls me.
I have a cell phone just so I can bother hubby during the day.
Anyhoo.
Got an interesting message from my Dad.
Lisa, your gonna love this.
He informed me that he and his girlfriend (who by the way has stolen from him and given all to her crackhead daughter) are getting married.
Not sure when this blessed event will happen cause I haven't called him back, but I really hope he doesn't expect a present.
It is his FIFTH marriage.
For the love!
Just live together forever.
Your gonna spend more money on the divorce than you'll have left after a couple years with her.

Poll

Hubby thinks I should comment back to all of my fabulous and loyal readers who leave me comments. Apparently it slightly irks him that I do not answer the questions people leave.
What do you think?

Views, opinions, questions (;), etc.