It's a nail polish kind of day

Finally getting a little chilly here.
I heart winter.
I long for it to arrive and I cry when it leaves.
Today, I am extra grateful for the cold because I've been in a mood.
I vow today to enjoy my sweatshirt. Play with my kids. Finish my laundry. Have a successful play date with a good friend and her kids. Get out of my mood and into a positive one. And paint my nails red.
Cause I need red nail polish in my life today.

New Blog

My sis (in-law) recently started a blog.
It's funny.
It's real.
Check it out.

Here:
http://tallblondesinthecity.blogspot.com/

Or look for the Tall Blondes link in the sidebar.
Thanks!!

October in Pictures

Pre chocolate coma post

Alivia and Jackson were suppose to be a giraffe and elephant for Halloween. We received these really great hand me down costumes. I was going to have the hubs and I dress in all khaki and we would be zoo keepers.
Cute right?
Ya.
But I planned something. So we all know how this turns out.
The costumes were to short.
Alivia decided to be a princess (I am using her flower girl dress from this summer)
Jackson screamed pirate as soon as I asked him what he wanted to be. He's been practicing by putting a cup on his foot at bath time. His makeshift peg leg.
But I was able to borrow a costume from a friend for his. So I'm not out a bunch of costume money.
I'm pretty excited. We have some friends that we go with. Her mom lives in a nicer neighborhood in town so we hit up them up for the good candy.
Pictures tomorrow!

And it begins

The hubs left not more than two hours ago for Calgary, Canada.
I am hearing strange noises.
Bored beyond belief.
Almost drunk.
And wishing he was home.
It's gonna be a long week people.

A Trip or two

So next week the hubs leaves for Canada on a business trip.
I want so badly to go, but we have Vegas three days after he gets back, so childcare is stretched to the limit right now.
Last time he left me alone for more than a night I was pregnant with Jackson and paranoid. I booby trapped the doors and slept like crap.
I'm hoping this time goes better.

But . . . .. VEGAS!!
I can't believe it is almost here.

Plane tickets to Vegas arrived - CHECK
Planet Hollywood room booked - CHECK
Little White Chapel booked to renew vows - CHECK

I'm ready to place myself in the center of sin.

This way

Saw a quote on a friends FB profile the other day and it made me stop and think.
Which isn't the news, I stop and think a lot! :)

The quote:
"Anything goes when everything's gone."

I want to live like this.
I want to do and be and live like everything is gone. I don't want to feel held back by obligations. I want to wake up in the morning and live for exactly and only what I want to live for.
Is this possible?
Does anyone do this?

Finally

We got some cool weather!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate heat.
Loathe it.
Okay, I can deal when I'm in a bathing suit and there is a pool.
But the general day to day stuff and sweating from getting groceries or walking out to get the mail. I'm over that. In a big way.
And FINALLY, FINALLY, my part of Texas has received some relief.
I'm one happy ladie today.
Well, all week, cause the weather report says we are to have this "cool front" continue for the next few days.


(Dear Santa, please send me snow this year. Thank you.)

Help Wanted

Need willing and able person to come potty train my son and clean up any accidents and in general take care of the entire process that goes along with the potty training.
Will pay in cookies and gratefulness.
No references needed.
Only patient souls need apply.

Kicked

Let me paint you a little picture.
Two girls are walking down stairs.
The first in a very short dress and heels. She is holding on to the rail and taking it slow.
Second is behind her in flip flops.
Second slips and lands on her ass. Hard.
While her legs are flying out from under her they connect with first girls right thigh and successfully take her out. She holds on to rail for dear life while skidding down a couple of stairs and manages to plant her left foot to stop.
Next morning.
First girl has twisted ankle, bruised right side of body.
Second girl ends up with what could possibly be a broken tail bone.
*sigh*
This is what happens to me when I get away from the children for a night.
And when I drink 7 & 7.

C R A Z Y

If I have to take a shit one more time while my children bring me toys and ask me if it is a big poop and drive their toy cars on my legs and ask to sit in my lap and tell me it stinks in here - I'm gonna go crazy.
C R A Z Y!

Sleep

I have been suffering from insomnia this past week.
Probably because I was excited/anxious for my friend's wedding. My daughter was the flower girl. And she was so cute. But I'm assuming I was worried. Although that really isn't in my nature of late.
Anyhoo . . . ..
Sleep deprivation.
It sucks.
I entered into the paranoia, crazy mode Sunday morning (post wedding).
I had a bottle of freaking wine at the wedding.
Did I sleep that night? No. The answer is no.
WTF?
So yesterday was an all out anxious filled day.
At this point I am not sure if the anxiety is causing the insomnia or the insomnia causing the anxiety. But I did get relief last night.
I slept.
It was nice.
And life seems brighter and lighter this morning.
Happy Monday!

"Cars"

My son woke up early. Again.
We are watching "Cars". Again.
As far as animated movies go, its great.
Upon your 308th viewing, some of the charm is lost.
Just so you know.

Change of Plans

The hubs and I were planning a big trip to Egypt this year for our 10 years together, 7 married, and we both turned 29 for the second time. Big year. So we went to the post office. Gave them $300 and our birth certificates and they told us we should receive our passports in 6 to 8 weeks. Mine is here. It is beautiful.
I mean, its a passport, but I'm super excited to have it, so its beautiful.
The hubs received a letter stating he submitted a birth card, and it has insufficient information to complete the application for a passport.
Damn.
Now we have to get a certified copy of his birth certificate from Austin (10 to 15 business days and another $22) and then send it back to the Charleston passport office. And I can only assume it will take another month after that to get his passport.
So . . . . . .
We aren't going.
I am now working on him to book Vegas for his sister's birthday.
Maybe we could renew our vows in the Little White Chapel.

Bachelorette Party

So I attended a good friend's bachelorette party over the weekend.
I love her.
I did not love this party.
It did have the makings to be great though.
The best part of the night is the fact that our semi drunk bride got thrown from a golf cart mid turn on the way back from dinner. She was fine. It was hilarious.
The rest of the night was a lot of waiting for a taxi and indecision.
Eh . . . .
They are usually a bunch of hype, right?

*sigh*

About this time every year I am counting down the days until my birthday.
Not this year.
It is the dreaded 30th.
And I'm having a problem with it.
Do I look 30? I don't think so.
Do I feel 30? That is no as well, I'll always feel 21 (fingers crossed)
But the number gets me. It really really gets me.
So come Sunday, I will begin the lying about my age phase of my life.
I am committed to being a 29 year old. Forever.

Didn't escape it

Oh lord! I find myself saying things and as soon as they leave my mouth I know I sound just like my mother.
Why does this happen?
I realize I want my kids to act the way my mom wanted me to act.
When I tell the little turds to do something, I expect it to happen.
It doesn't (a lot).
So my reaction is to get angry.
And with that anger comes guilt for trying to mold them into something they aren't.
They need the freedom, and I want to give it to them, to be who they are and figure out life their way. *sigh* Even if that way clashes with my own wishes.
Parenting is tricky.
Their smirks and smiles make it easier though.

7 years

Today I have been married to this man for seven years.
We have been together for ten.
And like always, I'll be honest, the first year sucked. Big time.
But we are in our groove.
We have adjusted to being a twosome.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!

So all my life I've had this idea in my head about happiness.
It included perfection.
I thought, no I can't be happy right now cause ____ isn't perfect.
Wow. I see it written.
Say it again to myself.
What a crap way to look at things.
But this morning while washing my face ( I get all my epiphanies in the bathroom) I realized that I may not think my entire life is perfect right now, but I'm happy.
So I'm overweight. Still I'm happy.
So I think maybe my life isn't the life I signed up for. Still, I'm happy.
I can pick out a number of things that I would say aren't perfect, about myself or my life, but honestly, I'm tired of doing that.
It's exhausting always thinking your not enough and that you can't be happy until you change something/everything.
And I realized this morning, that I have stopped thinking that way, at least for the most part.
I am happy.
And I am happy that I'm imperfect.
Cause if I have found joy in this "imperfect" life, then I know my perfect life is already here.

Push Me!

For some time I have felt I am standing on the outskirts of great knowledge.
And I know I belong in that circle of knowing, but my mind refuses to take the next step.
I see it. It's a small step.
Yet out of my reach.
Like I'm afraid it won't hold my weight.
I look behind me for help and instead of seeing support, or even strings tying me down, there is nothing. Nothing.
The longer I stay in this self inflicted mind limbo the more confused I become.
Maybe someone could push me?

Passports

Never have had a passport.
My travels have been in country. Well, I went to Canada once, but that was long before we needed anything specific to get in. And Mexico, same there.
But with Egypt in our future, a passport is a must.
We went and applied for ours yesterday and they charged us $300!
Does that seem pretty pricey to anyone else?
And what if we are denied?
Do we get that money back?
Not that we will be. No arrests or suspicious behavior on our part.
At least they are good for ten years.

New Phone

We went to the pool Monday.
My phone survived splashing and general wildness of my children while there.
We get in the car and my son's cup falls over in my bag, on top of my phone.
Soaked.
Completely.
I remove back and battery.
I let dry.
I replace.
Nothing.
I was about to have a &*#&%&%^&%&*^% moment when I realized that it was close enough to my birthday to actually get a new phone.
YA!!!!!
The hubs and I had been talking about upgrading me for about six months now and we were gonna wait out my contract.
But . . . . . .
Things happen ;)
So I am now the proud owner of a MyTouch 3G Slide. (In black)
And I have internet through my phone for the first time ever.
Whoop!
I'm so glad spill proof cups don't work.

At times

I'm gonna get up in the middle of this post to get more coffee, you should know this.

It being Father's Day and all, I'm up (EARLY) with the babies while the husband sleeps.
And sleeps and sleeps.
Most days I love the job of being a mom.
Today is not most days.
My two year old insist on motorboating me before eight this morning, refused his breakfast, won't get his hand out of his diaper and will probably poop and need changing while I'm in the middle of this sentence.
My fault. It's a long sentence.
Of course my daughter is being perfect. If you ignore the 3 year old attitude, bouncing on the couch and general bossing around of my son.
Little things.
I realize this.
Things always feel better after the second cup of coffee (or glass of wine, but seeing how it's not even noon on Sunday, I'll wait)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! (aka- not my day)

Big Year

For me, 2010 feels like a big year.
I turn 30 this year, the hubs turned 30 this year, we have been married seven years and together 10. So we should do something big. Yes? Yes.
At first I was thinking just about me.
But then after talking to Alan (the hubs) I realized he felt the same about this year.
And would also like to do something big to commemorate this big year.
Soooooo . . . . . . .
We are looking at a trip to the following places:
Fiji
Camping in the Grand Canyon.
Pocono Mountains.
Egypt.
I'm leaning toward Egypt cause I REALLY feel drawn there.
And I ruled out Fiji cause I want more from there than we can afford at this time. So I'm willing to wait till we make our first million. ;)

Shower Epiphanies

So like it says, while in the shower today I had a thought.
A, holy crap, for real?? An answer to a question I hadn't thought to ask.
For Christmas this past year my sister and I exchanged reflection affirmation shirts.
I was drawn to the affirmation "I love and accept myself as I am".
It feels powerful. I dig it.
And there are so many affirmations out there. Ones I could totally wear and not be embarrassed by and feel I definitely address some issues I have.
For example -
"My body is wonderful and beautiful"
"I am successful"
"Every decision I makes supports my higher self"
You get the point.
So I'm putting soap on the loofah, (stop daydreaming Yrautca ;) and it hits me.
If I love and accept myself as I am, then I am all the above things as well.
So simple.
Yet something strong inside me screams, YES! YOU FINALLY GET IT! This is why I was so drawn to this affirmation. I have struggled to believe I am worth this glorious life. Even with what some might think are faults, I am. Oh yes, I am.

So, " I love and accept myself as I am".

And I urge you to do the same.

Cause this is what I look at all day

They are pretty cute. Right?
Right. I know. I am sooooo that "I think my kids are the cutest" mom.
Alivia's hair is getting so curly.
I am tempted to give it a trim so that it will grow longer, but fear the tears and hysteria (on my part) when her curls happen to not keep growing.
Jackson's vocabulary has grown a ton.
Including the word shit.
And I'd like to blame the hubs for it. But alas, that would be my fault.
So this is what I enjoy all day.
But I am so ready for MDO to start back up! :)

SUMMER!!

So officially, it's not summer.
But this is Texas people.
It is hot.
We busted out the baby pool and sprinklers.
I have a faint tan line.
It's summer.
I praise the sun right now.
Check back in a month and I'm sure I'll be cursing it.
Like I said, this is Texas people.

Made it!

I finished the cleanse. I made it 20 days as I had hoped.
This week I reintroduced food and I should be eating normally by Saturday.
Just in time for Mother's Day.
Which I am looking forward to because I told the hubs I wanted a massage and I'm most certain that is what I am getting.
For a second I thought, you know, that's kind of pricey for a MD gift, and then I thought, you know, I did push two children out of my body.
So I asked for it anyway. :)
I feel great from the cleanse.
Started back to the gym and taking a class that combines tai chi, pilates and yoga.
Love it!
I feel very open and free at this moment in life and I am currently in the mind set to hold on to that.

kreativesentiments.com

That is my website.
I started my own little business a few months ago.
It is going ok. But I realize I'm pretty lazy about getting business.
I've been going on word of mouth.
So this is my mention of it and hopefully it will boost its place when someone Google searches. ;)

And if you want to check it out -kreativesentiments.com

Master Cleanse

Have you heard of it?
It's fab. Truly.
I did it last year for 14 days.
No food.
Only lemon juice, syrup, cayenne pepper and water.
And a tea at night.
Felt great for a few months after until I started eating unhealthy again.
But I love it because it resets my mind/body cravings.
So I have been feeling weighed down and came to the conclusion that I must cleanse again.
Really, I may make it a three times a year thing. Cause I LOVE the way I feel.
I wake up with so much energy.
When I go to sleep at night it is a peaceful deep sleep.
So this is what I am doing.
I'll let you know how long I can go this go around.

An apology

We have a communication issue. We have for ten years.
Usually it hides under our happiness. And then, BAM!
It is usually only a problem when I am feeling insecure.
And I recognize that really, I do.
My insecurities tend to bring out the worst in me.
So we have a fight, which is mostly over text and that infuriates me further, and he apologizes. And then everything is better.
EVERYTHING IS BETTER!
How the hell does that happen?

SPRING!

I can't be asked to stay inside today.
Walls cannot hold me in on a beautiful spring day like this.
Praise to the universe for bringing me this blessing.
And praise to the inventor of swing sets, which this post exist because of.

Experiment

I currently have in the oven chocolate and oat bars.
I looked up a recipe on line and modified to what I had in the pantry.
Hopefully I will have a tasty, healthy snack come out of the oven in 30 minutes.

Ingredients: (don't try till I let you know!)

2 cups Oats - toasted for ten minutes
2 cups Rice Krispys
1/2 cup choc chips
1/2 cup agave nectar
2 tablespoons flour
3 drops of vanilla
4 grinds of the sea salt
mix and spread on cookie sheet at 350 degrees for thirty minutes

99

So a dear friend of my MIL's passed away and today is her funeral.
The few times I had met her she was so sweet and tried so hard to ask questions about the kids and myself. Like she was really interested.
I hope at 99 I still want to learn about others and make friends.
Ms. Katheryn will be missed. And always remembered.

More Feng Shui

So we moved a lot of things in the house and added some touches.
The house feels GREAT!
And I lost 5 pounds in five days right after the feng shui decorating!!
Needless to say, I'm a believer.
I need plants. That is really the only big feng shui addition I have left.
And I've been hesitant because I kill plants.
Little afraid of them.

Snow Pics

We had a lot of fun making a snow man and using the kids toys as buttons and eyes. Jackson was a little cold and ready to go in after it was done.
And of course, Texas stays true and it is sunny and high of 60 today!

SNOW!!

Ok.
I loooooove snow.
Pretty. White. Things look magical in the snow.
(Remember I'm from Texas)
And all year, as strange as it is, the lower Texas cities have been receiving snow.
I of course was out of town when it happened here and then here when it happened when I was suppose to be out of town to my mom's, where she got a FOOT.
Anyhoo.
We got a lot yesterday.
I got to see snow fall for at least 6 hours.
Perfect.
And then the hubs came home and we all went outside and made a snowman, "Texan" style. (pics later)
Thank you Universe for giving me snow. And for the long cold winter here in Texas. You know how I adore the cold.

Surge

I was on my way to pick up the kiddos from Mother's Day Out (MDO).
I heart Tuesdays for this reason.
Anyhoo, I pass a school and when it is nice out, as it was today, there are children outside walking the track. I'd guess they are around ten.
I was stopped at the light and got to observe them.
And today, I felt this overwhelming surge of joy watching them.
Children. Pure. Simple. Wonderful.
And I couldn't help but think, wow, these little guys are just starting their journey. How neat! How excited they must feel all the time.
It reminds me to stay excited about life. To stay joyful everyday.
Cause each day I wake up I'm on my own new journey.

V-Day '10

This was the dinner I made for my husband. It was really really yummy.
Don't be jealous. ;)

All Stars

I like basketball very little.
If there is a game on and the hubs really wants to watch, ok. I'll do it.
But seriously, do I have to watch the slam dunk and other random, basket challenges?
Really?
*sigh*
I'm so glad there is wine in the house.

Valentine's Gift

The husband surprised me with a new laptop as an early v-day gift.
Love it!!
I do wish it was green, but seeing how it only cost him $15, I won't complain too much.
I'm pretty sure my house shouldn't be taking on anymore electronics.
Feng shui is pretty adamant about the fact they harbor negative energy and are all around bad for you to be around to much.
Oh well.
I'm gonna enjoy my new toy. :)

Feng Shui

I have hired my sister to feng shui my house.
So far I have learned that my kitchen is my career area.
Which is crazy, because I feel like I spend more time there than anywhere else in the house.
Very excited to get to the redecorating.
I just love an excuse to shop. ;)

Jesus Juice

I love wine. The red stuff mostly.
The hubs and I buy cheap.
But honestly, is there anything better?
No.
No there is not.

Comment Moderation

So I just realized this was on. Somewhere in the changes blogger made and me being an occasional poster, I missed this. So thanks for the comments people.
And you should know, I was under the impression no one stopped here and I was a little more open than I probably would have been on my last few posts.
But I'm gonna keep that going.
It feels nice.
And liberating.
And this year I am working on caring what I think about myself and not what I think others are perceiving me to be.
So . . . . .
Happy Sunday!

A Thank You note to my Spanish nanny

Dear Wonderful Spanish Nanny,

Thank you for always having my house smell of goodness. Thank you keeping my children entertained while I work and loving them unconditionally as I do. And for teaching them spanish so that they may communicate with others better.
Thank you for enchiladas, homemade salsa and guacamole.
You are always on time, I appreciate that.
You always offer to stay the night with the children so that my husband and I can enjoy our special dates. That is a quality I cherish.
Thank you for being the best Spanish nanny ever to have lived and I am so grateful that you are my Spanish nanny.

- B

No, I don't have one. But I believe in the law of attraction. And while I have been attracting some negative things in my life, I have come to one conclusion - my thoughts are uber powerful.
I decided I should do something positive with those thoughts.
And I really really really want a spanish nanny.
So . . . . .

Not like the rest

For as long as I can remember, I have embraced each new year with nostalgia riding piggy back and questions tied around my ankles.
But this year, well, this year is different.
I havenot wanted to "remember" things.
I have not had a bunch of "what ifs" running around in my head and dragging me down.
I've been happy.
Unconditionally happy.
And I'm excited, truly excited to start this new year.
When usually I'm not.
Yeah!
Happy New Year!

Unsaid

I'm currently learning to keep my mouth shut.
Well, I think I've always been trying to practice this, but this month for sure, the lessons are coming full force. And now more than ever, I need to leave things unsaid.
Yes. Keep my mouth shut.
That will be on repeat in my brain the next time I am in a social situation.
Don't speak. (Good song, better advice)

Labels

I'm uncomfortable with them.
Haven't always been.
I'd say I was in fact a label-er.
But I've changed. As we do.
And as I learn to love more and in an unconditional manner, I become increasingly uncomfortable with labels.

-Wife
-Mother
-Sister
-Friend
-Co-worker
-Teacher
-Daughter
-Daughter-in-law
-Sister-in-law
-Aunt
-Cousin
-Small Business Owner (this one is VERY recent)

And really, I guess I should clarify.
The labels aren't what makes me uncomfortable, its the identification with them.
It's the knowledge that people will judge others based upon those labels.
And we are all so much more.

Boo

"Dora and Boots"

My goal: feel the answer, live it.

So here I am.
Content with myself and my life.
Not needing.
Not even wanting, except for the occasional primal need of food and water.
And yet, within this, I wonder where I am.
Does that makes sense?
Cause it doesn't to me.

I question. Almost everything.
Yet I know the answer. To almost everything.
It is there. Hiding in my knowledge. In me.
My goal: feel the answer, live it.

To Sandra

I'm sorry I put THAT in writing for all to see. :)
And I am so very glad I saw you and your beautiful daughter this weekend.

The new baby

This was at 2 weeks. And he is almost two months.

It's broke

So, I'm a fixer.
I can listen and comfort and not say a word but all the while I will be trying to figure out a solution to the problem, reason for sadness, etc. in my head. I won't tell. Unless you ask of course, or if you are close enough to me that I speak my mind no matter what. Then I'll fix it.
Anyhoo
Point is this.
I have come across a situation I can't fix.
And all my ideas to help apparently won't work.
But it is one of those situations that if it doesn't get fixed then my children will suffer, not to mention my husband and rest of my family.
I'm not the one to fix it. I have come to terms with that.
So what next?

I feel like breaking out in song

This week I have really reflected on how my outlook on life has changed over the past year. My daughter turned one last week. She is walking and babbling and learning and amazing me everyday with her ability to absorb all the knowledge that exists around her. There is nothing she doesn't learn from.
But I digress.
I used to want so strongly to never experience anything bad. But now, its like I know I have to otherwise there would be no good.
I get it now.
If there was never any "bad" then how could I ever appreciate the "good". And maybe because I am a mother or not so much a mother, but a person who is the world for another, I cherish that good so much more than I ever have before in my life.
I want so strongly now to never lose sight of what makes me happy. Of what gives me peace. I want so strongly not to be angry at anything or one because I know that the anger I give into tarnishes the good I might be experience.
I'll take the bad, when it comes.
But I'll take the good and hold on so much tighter than I did before.

What may be the cutest sleeping baby ever

I've been trying to post

Really.
I have been trying so hard.
But every time I sit down to share my ins and outs and thoughts and whatnots, the booger (my daughter) decides to make that task impossible.
At this moment, she is sitting at my feet, screaming.
No tears mind you.
She just wants to be picked up.
I am so ready for the needy stage to end.

Best TGIF ever starts tomorrow!!

As of tomorrow at 5:00 p.m. I will embark on my new path of life.
Being a Housewife/mom.
They threw me a little going away lunch today and my boss splurged on an hour massage for me. Which is great, because the deciding factor in our decision for me to stay home with Alivia is that I am pregnant, again.
And the day care bill would have been ridiculous!!!
Not to mention that the doctor is treating this pregnancy as high risk because of what happend with Alivia. And she seems to think that my blood pressure issue will be MUCH better without the added stress of work.
So, I will be a woman of leisure, so to speak, starting tomorrow afternoon.
YIKES!!
What will I do all day?
What if Alivia misses daycare?
HELP!!!
No, really, I am excited. My house will be forever clean and I can start experimenting in the kitchen like I have always wanted but never had the time for.
Then when the second baby arrives in April, I can shoot myself. ;)

The Birthday

Holy moly . . . I am officially in my late twenties.
That is all.

13 years

You would think that after 13 years of being married you would be in it forever. Of course we all know that is not so. We have a divorce going on now in our office and the couple has been married for almost 40 years.
So I guess you never know.
And if you never know . . . . . . . . . . .
Anyhoo, my mom and sperm donor were married 13 years before she kicked his ass out and let the pathetic excuse for a father be who he is, a pathetic excuse for a father, and I wonder now when she knew.
When she knew in her heart that it was over for them.
I have always heard that girls marry someone like their dad.
I, of course, did not.
Did I?
Cause the person I chose to make my everything is a most fabulous person.
And I know, people make mistakes. I'm not suggesting that I need perfection. Or that he is. Or that I am.
And I understand that what I expect may be a tall order to fill.
But when faced with the unexpected realization that some of my pathetic excuse for a father's traits are mirrored in my everything, I am left speechless.
And scared.
So so scared.
It is frightening to me that after four years (tomorrow) of marriage we might still be a gamble and not the sure bet I believed we were.

The reason . . .

I am such a bad blogger.

I know this.

I am going to work on it.

My little sweetie is just about seven months old.

Sitting up.

Babbling.

Eating baby food and loving it.

She has also had 4 ear infections and the doctor is talking tubes.

It frightens me but I know it will help her.

Life seems really good right now.

Except for the whole I have to go to work every day thing.

But hubby is getting raises and I will hopefully be a stay at home mom next year (just in time to start on baby #2!)

Little things

Hubby is putting the baby down for me. We just got back from my parent's house and there is the normal unpacking and such to do. Plus, Alivia starts day care for the first time tomorrow so there are emergency contacts to fill out and bank accounts to verify available funds.
Anyhoo.
I was just picking up our room and unpacking our bag, getting the bed ready to sleep in and there, sitting innocently, was one of Alivia's little pink socks. Just this tiny piece of fabric lying amongst other pieces of mine and hubby's clothing.
And I thought to myself, wow.
How can it be so commonplace to see that little pink (baby) sock there on the bed with my things?

Let's be honest

I have no idea how to be this person I am trying to be.
A wife.
A mom.
A friend.
A good employee.
Never have I had to jugle so many titles.
And never have I doubted my ability at so many roles.
Let's be honest, I suck at being a wife. I am lucky to have a hubby who is laid back enough to wait around while I get the hang of caring about someone else before myself.
Being a good employee was easy before the mom role came into play. Now work seems to be this chore, this horrible horrible chore.
And I don't really know if I have ever been a good friend.
I think maybe I can be but I let my other roles cloud the friend one.
We have yet to see how I am at the mom role.
Most days (middle of the night) I wake up and can't believe this perfect little thing came out of me. And I am oh so very scared of screwing her up. How can I provide a life for someone when I can't seem to get my own straight?
And how the hell am I suppose to combine all these roles/titles into one person?
And how the hell does anyone else do it?

How come?

"How come I have to go to bed? It's still light outside!"
"Because it's eight o'clock and that is your bedtime," her momma said.
"But there are kids still playing outside!!" she wailed. "Please let me stay up and play . . . *sniffs* . . . please, momma?"
Her momma responds firmly, "Do you want me to tuck you in or not?"

"How come I can't go to Six Flags with Holley?"
"Because you don't have an adult going with you. You could get hurt being alone," her momma advises.
"But EVERYONE else I know gets to go and I never get to do ANYTHING!!" she screams.
Her momma responds firmly, "Take that tone again with me young lady and you really won't be doing anything this summer."

"How come I have to be home so early? I just graduated, Mom."
"Your curfew is midnight so be happy your getting an extra hour," her momma replied.
"God! You are so unfair," she spats, "I am so moving out of here tomorrow."

"How come you can't live with me and we could do everything together?"
"Your married now honey, with a baby coming, you had to grow up and have your own life," her momma sympathizes.
"But I miss you so much, momma," she says choked up, " I wish you were here."

Finally

I have just received the best gift from my child.
She let me sleep for five straight hours.
Two nights in a row!!!!!!!!!

On another note, I would like to tell you (you know who you are) that contrary to (your) belief I am not stupid. If you really think so then you should tell our boss and have me fired. Otherwise, I'm gonna kick you in the nuts the next time you treat me as you have. I graduated from the same f*#king university that you did, ASSHOLE.

Love, Berly

I got nothin

My life is totally all about my baby now.
I thought maybe I wouldn't be one of those moms.
But I am.
Completely.
And instead of being ashamed that I am no longer Kimberly and have now become solely "Alivia's Mom", I'm gonna try embracing this fact.
So . . . . . . . . Some pics of Alivia.
She is getting big fast.

Never said enough

Thank you for . . .

. . . the love you always give.
. . . the support that is neverending and never comes with strings or judgment.
. . . the way you look at me. (Like I am a somebody)
. . . getting up for her early feedings.
. . . cookies and cream ice cream last night.
. . . my car.
. . . laughing at my stupid jokes.
. . . calming me down when I've gone to far.
. . . making sure I leave the house with hot coffee.
. . . starting my car everyone morning.
. . . being my everything.
. . . making me your everything.
. . . giving me the most beautiful child.

. . . being my most perfect husband.

Dear Mr. Booger Eater,

Do not, under any circumstances pick your nose and eat your boogers while driving down Villa Maria in the afternoon. There is absolutely no freaking reason to eat your boogers. No. Not a one. It is sick. Disgusting. And it makes me want to vomit to be completely honest. A lot.

Your fellow driver,

berly

P.S. You are naste!

200th Post

I started back to work this week.
God am I tired.
So tired I want to sit in a corner and cry.
Or sleep.
Whatever.
The office is . . . well . . . lets just say that next time I get pregnant I might not take maternity leave.
Nothing is how is should be. I have been cleaning up messes and organizing since I got back.
I have no idea what is going on with my files.
I miss Alivia like crazy.
And she isn't even at the sitter's house yet.
Hubby and I have been working half days each cause she isn't allowed to go to the sitter's till she has her two month immunizations. (Next week)
So I leave her in the morning (and hold back tears all the way to work) and by the time I get home at lunch I want to cry again cause I missed her so much.
Oh, and she totally smiled at me the other. Focused her eyes on me and smiled.
It was thrilling.
Did I mention that I am about to fall asleep with my eyes open?

Some pics

We are home and doing well.
I promise to update soon.
Things have just been kinda crazy.

My Daughter

Alivia Rose Shearer came to us on November 30, 2006. She is seven weeks premature. I developed severe preclampsia and the doctors had to induce me. I pushed her out in an hour and half. It was so very very painful people.
She weighed in at 4 lbs 14 oz and 18 inches long. Her feet and hands are gigantic!!
On day two of her life she got moved from NICU to Special Care. We are hoping to have her home by Christmas.
I had to be transferred to another hospital about an hour from our town because my hospital didn't have room for her.
We are lucky enough to be in the Ronald McDonald house. We visit her every three hours for feeding. Please, keep us in your prayers. Alivia is doing well, but she has a ways to go.

Co's friend Rita is a Liar

I just have to tell you all this, pregnancy is not super great and fabulous.
Oh no, it is not.
Is it magical. Yes
Is it really awesome to feel the baby move. Yes
Is it an experience I want to do again. I am looking into the surrogate mother thing. And if saying that makes me a bad mom before my daughter is even born, so be it. I won't lie to you people!
I wake up every night at least five times with intense pain in my hips. I woke up hubby last night cause I was whimpering.
Mom says its cause my hips are spreading for the birth.
UGH!
Like my ass getting big isn't enough, it gets to be accompanied by pain, suffering and sleep deprivation.
Also, why can't maternity clothes makers design shirts with full sleeves?
We are pregnant.
Everything is bigger.
Those tiny non sleeves are uncomfortable and show our flabby arms!!!
Lastly, the swelling has happened.
And that is all I will say about that.


(Don't get me wrong people, I am thrilled to be having this baby!)

Per Lindsey's (Linny) Request

My pregnant self at about five months.
I'm a little bigger right now (almost six months) but hubby likes to take a pic once a month and then compare them to see how huge I have become.


Hubby picked the name Alivia Rose.
I love it.
Pregnancy is going . . .
A little over three months left!!

Just this one

In light of Sexy Suburbanite's August 15th post, I just had to stop in and blog a bit. Check her out at www.sexysuburbanite.blogspot.com. I don't know how to link. Hubby does it for me.
Anyhoo.
We are having a GIRL!!
And they moved my due date to January 9, 2007.
A full eight days sooner than I believe the true due date should be.
But then again, Alan says I'm having a ten pounder.
And really, he should be stoned for that.

Champagne wishes and caviar dreams

The day has come for me to retire my blog.
At least for the next few months.
Work has become overwhelming, my sister's twins have arrived, the house demands attention, lots of attention and I find myself absorbed in baby related things, which really, no one wants to hear about.
But don't you kids worry one bit.
I will most certainly still be reading all of your entries and keeping up to date on everyone's life.
Love ya!

Drum roll please

Here they are.
Finally, I know.
Some are of the day we bought the house others are, obviously, post moving everything (almost).


Yeah!! Isn't it adorable?


This is gonna be the baby's room. We are gonna do a cloud theme. Then when we find out what sex the shrimp size growth inside of me is, we will incorporate primary colors for boy and pastels for girl.



This is the most gorgeous table I told you about.


I was watching VH1 this morning. I'm addicted to the count down.

So, that is most of my house. Hope you all are satisfied with the pics!

The Voicemail

My phone went dead Sunday morning. And I have lost my home charger somewhere in the move. So, when I hooked up my cell this morning at work I had ten messages.
How is that possible?
No one ever calls me.
I have a cell phone just so I can bother hubby during the day.
Anyhoo.
Got an interesting message from my Dad.
Lisa, your gonna love this.
He informed me that he and his girlfriend (who by the way has stolen from him and given all to her crackhead daughter) are getting married.
Not sure when this blessed event will happen cause I haven't called him back, but I really hope he doesn't expect a present.
It is his FIFTH marriage.
For the love!
Just live together forever.
Your gonna spend more money on the divorce than you'll have left after a couple years with her.

Poll

Hubby thinks I should comment back to all of my fabulous and loyal readers who leave me comments. Apparently it slightly irks him that I do not answer the questions people leave.
What do you think?

Views, opinions, questions (;), etc.

No time

I am feeling the pressure.
Lots of work to be done.
Have to decorate house.
Need to move the rest of our stuff from the apartment.
Feed the cats.
Must must must clean the bathroom.
Gotta make dinner.
I'm exhausted.
This day to day living on top of moving into a house leaves me no time.
No time at all.
I came in early today and now I am staring at a pile of paperwork on my desk and a note from one of the attorneys telling me to be prepared to help him today. I still have billing to do and nausea to deal with.
It's all I can do not to go home and sleep the whole day.
Oh, and my bra squeaks. WTF?

The First of Many Complaints

I'm fat today.
Well, I've been fat all week.
But I wearing maternity pants today cause none of my jeans will fit my fat ass.
UGH!
Quick, somebody tell me a lie about how I still look great, my ass is not huge, my face is not bloated, etc.

Already

I'm in the house for not even a week and already I'm traipsing around the front and back yard this morning in my robe and slippers trying to position the water sprinkler so my grass will grow pretty.
And I'm thinking to myself, "How did this happen?".

So tired

Pictures of the house are coming soon.
We just don't have the computer hooked up at the new house right now.
We are waiting on something for the internet connection.
The move went good.
I'm super tired, of course.
And there is crap everywhere.
But, I get a four day weekend starting Saturday so I should be able to get most everything put away and hung where I want.
The best part of the whole weekend . . . my mom and dad.
They decided to buy us a kitchen table as a house warming gift.
I hate to brag, but it is GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS.
Probably the most beautiful table this side of the Mississippi River.

And the moving begins

We closed on the house this morning.
That's right Phil, ON TIME :)
Pictures tomorrow.

Mike from downstairs

In my first year of college, to meet people and perpetuate my addiction to smoking, I hung out in the courtyard of my dorm a lot.
Met this guy named Mike.
He was okay.
He furnished Lisa and I with enough alcohol to get drunk one night, took us dancing and then talked his way into my room.
(My judgment may or may not have been impaired at that time.)
Anyhoo.
We somehow get to talking about what each of us is like.
You know, I'm the kind of girl that likes_______. Blah blah blah.
Well, when it was Mike's turn to tell me what kind of boy he was, he informed me that he was "not so deep".
Really?
I assume that was his way of telling me that I shouldn't expect to be called in the morning, or ever.
Thanks for the heads up.
Now, had he not said anything, he probably would have gotten lucky. I was very . . . well, I was something I'm not now.
But because he was so arrogant to think I would still want to have anything to do with him after his proclamation, I said goodnight.
Sorry Mike from downstairs, I am so deep.

7 Days

We close on our house next Friday at 9:00 a.m.
Yeah!
I can't wait to be out of an apartment.
In my own house.
I can do whatever my heart desires to do with it.
And really, that's a good feeling people.

I hate your laugh

To You:

I hate your laugh. I hate your shoes on the floor. I hate that you lay on my couch and use my blanket and watch teen drama on my t.v. I hate that you are inconsiderate and care for no one and nothing unless you are going to benefit from doing so. I hate how fake you are. I hate that I know that. I hate that I gave you everything a friend has to give and you took without gratitude.

I hate myself for caring.

That's my pat on the back!

It really frustrates me to hear my boss giving one of the girls I work with praise and compliments on work that I did.
Me.
I told her how to prepare the document.
I gave her the right language to use.
Me.
And she got the praise and compliment for a "good job".
Bitch didn't have the decency to stop and say, "oh thanks, but Kimberly helped me a lot with that."
STUPID F-ING BITCH
I'm not helping her anymore.
The whore can keep messing up like she did before I was so kind to take time out of my day and teach her something she should have been teaching me.

Answer

Ok
Sorry everyone.
It really wasn't a huge deal.
I mean, it was, but now it's not cause I'm completely fine.
On Thursday night around 9:30 I started vomiting and suffering from a really really bad pain in my stomach. (not baby related)
Well, from then until about 2:30 a.m. I threw up another five times and pain was NOT subsiding.
Plus, I started spotting. I got scared. Alan was worried. We went to the ER. While waiting for an hour to get into a room/curtained area I threw up another three times. Oh, and I had the great fortune for it to be coming out the other end as well.
Sometimes simultaneously. Pretty. I know.
So I had to do a whole bunch of tests to make sure it was just a stomach virus as the doc thought and he wanted to check the baby of course. (FYI - even at eight weeks it already looks like a baby)
They hooked me up to fluids, which came up, and gave me some anti nauseous meds, which didn't work.
My OB/GYN came to check on me around 8 that morning. Said I could stay in the hospital and be watched or go home and recover. I went home. Didn't eat solid foods for three days and now I am fine.
See, no big deal.

Things I don't like when going to the emergency room

* The beds - they are damn uncomfortable
* The noise - girl can't take a suitable nap with all the activity
* Amount of testing you undergo
* Gowns - need I say more?

bluck!

My whole office building smells like nail polish remover.
Like someone coated the walls, ceiling and floors with the shit.
It's sick.
I may pass out.
A headache is definitely present.
Can I go home please?

Grandmother's High School Renuion

My Grandma is three months shy of 86 years old.
Her graduating high school class of 14 now totals 4, but they continue to have reunions every few years.
This year, I get to go with Grandma.
I wanted to meet her old high school sweetheart.
Apparently he still has the hots for her and his wife can't say or do a nice thing toward Grandma.
OLD LADY CAT FIGHT!
Just kidding.
My Grandma is way to proper for that.
But the luncheon should at least be entertaining.

Baby Time

My friend just called and said she was getting ready to go to the hospital. Contractions have started and baby is on the way.
I'm in charge of watching her 16 month old while she gives birth.
I just love seeing newborns.
I love seeing the look on mom and dad's face and the grandparents' huge smiles.
Such excitement and hope.
Plus, if the baby comes before noon tomorrow, I win the baby pool.
I've never won anything in my life!

Maruchan

They make an incredibly vile meal-in-a-cup.
One of those just add water lunches.
I'm addicted. I think cause of the sodium. I'm a salt feign.
What can I say.
You can buy them in bulk. They are cheap.
They are ready in 3 minutes!! They fill you up.
You have your meat group (chicken or beef flavor)
You have your vegetables (dried carrot, corn and pea pieces)
You have your breads (equally dried noodles)
Really, they may be perfect.

That House

Well, the house I was so excited about fell through.
It had termites, among other problems, and we felt it was not a sound investment for us being such a young couple with out tons of cash laying around.
So we backed out of the contract.
We then found another house, but someone came in with a cash offer. Jerks.
So of course, we didn't get that one.
Today, we have put in an offer on another one. This one is "move in ready". Honestly. I wouldn't even have to paint.
Every room suits me perfectly. And Alan as well, I think.
There was a yellow jacket that tried to attack me when I was there, but I don't think that is necessarily a bad sign.
So, we may or may not get this house.
I may or may not go crazy by the end of it all.
We will see . . .

!

Why isn't it Friday already?

Mother's Day

I have a prior obligation on Mother's Day weekend this year.
So, I'm headed home this weekend to spend some time with the life giver.
My mom.
She's a special lady.
I miss her terribly.
She is the kind of mom that can put you in a good mood and make you laugh seconds after you were crying.
She is the kind of mom that believes no sacrifice is to great for her children.
Sometimes I don't know how I live being so far from her.
Of course the daily, sometimes twice daily, phone calls help.
This weekend we will weight watchers food shop, clothes shop, sunbath, gossip, plan when I should get pregnant so she can take vacation to spend a least two weeks with me when the baby is born (It will change the next time we talk. It seems to be getting closer each time . . . ) and watch at least two girly movies that my dad refuses to see with her.
I'm edge of my seat excited.

WE GOT IT!!!

We put an offer on a house on Friday morning.
They countered.
We countered back.
They countered with their "final offer".
Their final offer was what we told ourselves we would buy it for.

So . . . . . . . we said YES!!

I am now "under contract" and bearing no problems with the house, Hubby and I will be first time home owners on June 30, 2006.
It's all I can think of. I dream of where the furniture will go.
What curtains I want to hang.
What it will be like to park my car in a garage.
Mowing.
Gardening.
The list is endless.
I am useless at work thanks to my overabundance of daydreaming concerning the house.

Close, but no

Things you think are going to be one way and sooooo aren't.

- Graduating college
- First year of marriage
- Texas beaches
- Best friends
- Friday night
- Green Apple gum
- Buying a house

Hubby to the rescue!

This morning I had to be at work early because its my responsibility to get the conference room ready for depositions.
At two minutes after I was suppose to have already been out the door, I decided the undershirt I had on didn't look right
I took it off.
Choose to leave wearing only my new blazer.
Bad choice.
I called hubby as soon as I got to work.
"Please bring me the green shirt I took off and threw on the bed"
This is why he is perfect.
He brought it to me.
And he didn't complain at all!!!

Bunny Tales

I went home for Easter. Like always.
Got to spend some time with my nephews and niece and five month pregnant with twins sister. All around good.
Some things I found to be funny/frustrating.

1) Mom mentioned hubby and I moving and babies no less than fifteen times. Each time she was met with a more exaggerated head shake and eye roll from hubby.

2) After counting all her plastic eggs and emptying the candy/money/toys into a plastic bag, my six year old niece decided to be upset about God only knows what. Her mother told her that if she didn't straighten up and lose the attitude, she would lose her candy/money/toys. With the look of the devil in her eyes she said to her mother, "So!". At which point I grabbed her arm and reassured her that if she ever wanted to sit again she would not speak to her mother that way in my presence. I was given a glance from head to toe, followed with a lengthy eye glare.

3) I think I might need children in order to be totally included in the family Easter celebration. The married with no kids thing was totally lacking in joy this year. I feel pressure!