My goal: feel the answer, live it.

So here I am.
Content with myself and my life.
Not needing.
Not even wanting, except for the occasional primal need of food and water.
And yet, within this, I wonder where I am.
Does that makes sense?
Cause it doesn't to me.

I question. Almost everything.
Yet I know the answer. To almost everything.
It is there. Hiding in my knowledge. In me.
My goal: feel the answer, live it.

To Sandra

I'm sorry I put THAT in writing for all to see. :)
And I am so very glad I saw you and your beautiful daughter this weekend.

The new baby

This was at 2 weeks. And he is almost two months.

It's broke

So, I'm a fixer.
I can listen and comfort and not say a word but all the while I will be trying to figure out a solution to the problem, reason for sadness, etc. in my head. I won't tell. Unless you ask of course, or if you are close enough to me that I speak my mind no matter what. Then I'll fix it.
Anyhoo
Point is this.
I have come across a situation I can't fix.
And all my ideas to help apparently won't work.
But it is one of those situations that if it doesn't get fixed then my children will suffer, not to mention my husband and rest of my family.
I'm not the one to fix it. I have come to terms with that.
So what next?

I feel like breaking out in song

This week I have really reflected on how my outlook on life has changed over the past year. My daughter turned one last week. She is walking and babbling and learning and amazing me everyday with her ability to absorb all the knowledge that exists around her. There is nothing she doesn't learn from.
But I digress.
I used to want so strongly to never experience anything bad. But now, its like I know I have to otherwise there would be no good.
I get it now.
If there was never any "bad" then how could I ever appreciate the "good". And maybe because I am a mother or not so much a mother, but a person who is the world for another, I cherish that good so much more than I ever have before in my life.
I want so strongly now to never lose sight of what makes me happy. Of what gives me peace. I want so strongly not to be angry at anything or one because I know that the anger I give into tarnishes the good I might be experience.
I'll take the bad, when it comes.
But I'll take the good and hold on so much tighter than I did before.

What may be the cutest sleeping baby ever

I've been trying to post

Really.
I have been trying so hard.
But every time I sit down to share my ins and outs and thoughts and whatnots, the booger (my daughter) decides to make that task impossible.
At this moment, she is sitting at my feet, screaming.
No tears mind you.
She just wants to be picked up.
I am so ready for the needy stage to end.