Monday, November 28, 2011
Last game between A&M and t.u. done, complete with heartbreak.
Rocked my daughter's 5th birthday party .
Playroom reorganized and toys in bag to donate in prep of the nightmare that is Christmas.
Pumpkin center piece trashed.
House (I'm gonna clean that as soon as I'm done here)
On to the next one . . .
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Like. For real. Ok, hate is strong.
Dislike, Let's go with that.
I'm not a sister who has been mean or told them hateful things.
They are just sisters who, in my mind, have made choices that make it hard for us to be friends. And somehow I feel guilty. I feel it's my fault for their situations.
(Or I am an egotistical crazy bitch cause i believe my way is better.)
Logically, I know, they may be fine with how they are living. In my heart, well that is different.
Even here, where I know I am safe, I can't tell you how I really feel.
I spent the better part of last night in the fetal position. Sobbing. With no control. I woke up with a massive headache and a heavy heart. This happened because I love my sisters. Bound by blood or whatever it is, I long to have a healthy, loving relationship with them.
That feels like an impossibility.
And that statement make me sad.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Picked him up from MDO today and the teacher's face said it all.
When I dropped him off that morning he was clingy and needed a little extra time adjusting to class. Which is totally abnormal for him.
Come to find out he ended up punching and kicking walls, collapsing to floor and then squirming and kicking when picked up and finally, my favorite, throwing a chair.
Please don't let my kid be a criminal later in life.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
I was wearing my Grief.
Toting it around and showing it the city. I would securely place it on my shoulders to start my day. Hell, I even curled up next to it in bed. Grief. I couldn't get enough of it. Like an addict, I would seek out other avenues of unhappy thoughts and actions just so I could keep my Grief around.
This makes me ashamed of myself. And don't' think that thought didn't help to keep Grief by my side. Cause it did.
On the outside I imagine I looked the same. Maybe my smile was a little forced. Maybe my eyes weren't as bright. But the same.
Something amazing happened about a week ago. I decided to take off the Grief Sweater. (I named it so that I could get rid of it)
I "hung" it up. Had to. My life was screaming at me to be lived and to live it happy and in the light.
I have two babies! Most would argue they need me. Also, I missed me. I missed my friends and my family. When you wear the Grief Sweater, no one appears to be who they were before. It changes your outlook on the world.
So I am thankful I can proclaim that I have escaped the dark. It calls to me still. But I'm not worried. If I ever visit again, I know the way out.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
By that, I mean I didn't have them enrolled in any Mother's Day Out or camps (still a little young for them). So it was me. With them. All summer.
And this summer was difficult.
And if you were wondering, my son still refuses to be potty trained.
I may have to home school this little turkey because I doubt they wipe asses in kindergarten.
But today I rejoice in all things good.
Today is the first day of school (Mother's Day Out)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will have 5 blissful hours to myself.
It has been a long summer.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Monday, August 08, 2011
5:30 - Boot camp
7:00 - Shower
7:15 - Sit on couch exhausted
7:17 - Take care of babies that just woke up, start laundry, take a child to the bathroom, make breakfast, comfort crying child, break up fight, kiss husband goodbye, start show on netflix, break up fighting cats, facebook, more laundry, clean up milk off floor, get coffee, comfort crying child
11:30 - Make lunch
12:30pm - Put kids down for nap
12:31 - Bribe kids to stop talking and fall asleep
12:32 - Spank kids for climbing on side of bunk bed like you have told them a million times not to do
1:00 - Fall asleep among laundry sitting on bed needing to be folded
1:45 - Wake up to kids climbing on you
2:00 - Dress everyone in bathing suits and sunscreen
2:10 - Get in baby pool, become a dolphin/mermaid/sea monster
3:30 - Dry everyone off, change into big tshirts, make popcorn, watch a movie, do laundry, facebook, wipe a child's ass, answer emails, make important phone call so the kids have a reason to start fighting and screaming
5:30 - Praise a god for your husband returning home from work
5:33 - Start dinner, hide from kids, facebook
7:45 - Give kids bath and all other night night related things
8:30 - Rock kids goodnight
8:45 - Sit on couch exhausted, with wine in hand
10:00 - Blessed sleep
Monday, August 01, 2011
So now I am sad. Incredibly sad.
Sad to the point that I am sure the word sad is insufficient in describing how I feel.
And I want to tell all of you and myself that the only way to live is with love and light in your life. But damn if I'm having a hard time living that way.
I find the motions of everyday life exhausting. I cringe at the thought of being around people.
Tears are ever present accompanied by a dull headache.
I know, "this to shall pass".
I am sorry to anyone I have ever uttered that phrase to. They are not words of comfort.
I looked up the steps to grief.
You can see, I am juggling a couple of those at once here. I like to multitask.
So today I'll go to the grocery store. I'll make my kids lunch and dinner. I'll play in the pool with them. I'll read them stories and rock them before bed.
And I'll do all this feeling different than I did two weeks ago.
I'll do all this incredibly sad.
How can death make life so different?
Monday, July 25, 2011
I have been running in administrative mode for the most part.
Of course there have been tears. And a little shaking of the fist to the man upstairs.
But my Dad has found a peace I will one day understand and I know I have to live my life as best I can in order to be with him again one day. He'll be missed. And he'll still be loved.
These are the words I spoke today at his funeral.
"This is going to be short. I dropped speech in college and dad told me to make it quick and get on with the party.
We sometimes define ourselves as lovers or fighters. I asked dad once what he thought he was. He said “a lover, . . . well, . . . most of the time”.
He loved god, his country, his friends.
He loved women. All of them.
He loved rum & cokes, easy on the coke. Coffee and cigars.
He loved sunrises, Butterfinger blizzards, short cuts down questionable back roads.
He loved heavily starched jeans, button down shirts, boots and cowboy hats.
He loved Sunday mornings, tacos, making his own taco shells, football season, bbq’s and naps during halftime.
He loved to fish, to hunt. To eat what he had fished and hunted.
He loved trips to the farm. His mom and his dad. Spending time with his brothers and sister. His family.
He loved his childhood in Puerto Rico and having the opportunity to live in so many different places.
He loved to travel and loved his work.
He loved his children. He loved to get his way.
My dad loved a lot.
So I agree with him. He was a lover, most of the time."
Friday, July 15, 2011
And when I booked this ultra fab bday gift, I was like, man, this is going to be fun.
Now, well now, I'm thanking every God in every way for the fact that the bday weekend celebration is happening this weekend.
My dad has been in the hospital for over a week and while dealing with that I still have a child who refuses to use the potty all the time.
I need a break, ya'll.
A serious, do nothing, think of no one but myself break.
As if you needed confirmation, I will definitely be having a drink at the bar upon arrival and before departure. (My mom is driving :)
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Currently I'm trying to teach my kids not to run outside naked.
Not to play with themselves when they are around others.
Oh, and to stop them from touching my "parts".
But the thing is I'm trying to teach them these lessons without also inadvertently giving them self-esteem and body issues.
I'd like them to be comfortable in their bodies and sexuality.
Cause not being, well, I've done that. Not so great.
Like I said, tricky.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
So I signed up for a 6 week boot camp.
Oh my . . . .
Yesterday was my first day, and today, I can feel every muscle in my body.
Some are screaming in pain.
But it was so fun. And I am REALLY looking forward to going Wednesday morning!
This is all I have.
If I sit much longer I won't be able to get up.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I wear only flip flops.
Shorts and/or a swim suit is being worn.
And we have our pool up.
Summer is officially here.
If you need to contact me in the next three months, I'll be poolside or on the beach.
On Sunday afternoons I'll be there with a beer.
Happy Summer Time!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Things seemed a bit hectic when I returned from my roadtrip.
And it was such a good trip.
The drives were easy and went by pretty fast. Except for some nail biting moments in Pennsylvania where there was a cliff, a wall and a hundred semi trucks to be topped off by being separated from my soul sister who was in the car ahead of me. She stressed ate a cinnabun after losing me in her rear-view mirror. But all turned out well.
And now we have a good laugh about it all.
Driving home I stopped at a gas station in Joplin, MO. Which just seems weird after last nights destruction.
I did make it home a day earlier than planned. I missed my little family. And I am once again grateful to my hubs for making it so easy for me to leave and so easy to come home.
So I met Yrautca, my first blogger friend!
It was so fun.
He is, if you ever had a doubt, such a gentleman and we had such a good visit.
I am only sad I don't live closer to hang out with him more.
If you are ever in the Chicago area and you read his blog, he is a MUST MEET!!
I couldn't be happier that I got the chance.
No pics. :( But there are some on his page here.
Come to Texas already, Yrautca! I can't wait to show you my state.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
If you were unsure, I am super excited about my road trip to Baltimore/Chicago.
I am super excited to spend some time with my soul sister.
As a last minute add on my Mom is meeting me in Chicago to drive back with me. Whoop!
And I am super excited to meet my first blogger in person.
Yrautca, you better not flake. :)
I am however getting a little nervous to leave my kiddos. Alan will do fine without me, I hope. But I still feel a little sad to be away from them for so long. We were away this long when we went to Vegas, but the hubs was with me. So this is different.
Anyhoo. . .
I shall be on the road and enjoying my alone time in just a few short hours!!
Pics and stories in about a week.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I went 40 days without chewing food.
I feel like a rockstar.
In other news, I leave for my Baltimore/Chicago roadtrip in 6 days.
Which is also very exciting if your me. Or my soul sister.
I need your favorite roadtrip songs/albums.
No suggestion will go unnoticed!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Anyhoo, she is moving very quickly after being done to Chicago and I am going with.
Two days to Baltimore to pick her up.
Load the car, sleep, get breakfast then two days to Chicago.
We'll celebrate Cinco de Mayo the night we get in.
A little unpacking and sightseeing.
Perhaps a nap in the park she loves but I can never remember the name.
Then two days home.
So if your counting, that is a minimum of 7 days away from my babies. 7!!
I'm gonna owe the hubs. Big time.
Monday, April 04, 2011
Well, I bought mine. Not an actual ticket. Although I might!
But I have been wanting to change some things about my personality and kept just waiting for them to change from my sheer will of wanting them to change.
It didn't happen.
I realized (finally) I need to do something to provoke the changes I wanted.
Started with chopping my hair off.
For some time I have been under the impression that I can not/will not be beautiful without long hair.
In fact, I used to think I could not and would not be beautiful unless I looked perfect.
And therefore, I couldn't love myself all the time because I did not look the way I thought I should. (This is a trait I have been wanting to replace with something positive:)
So now my hair is short. Very short.
And I love it.
And I love myself.
Monday, March 21, 2011
My son is punishment times 10 for every bad or mean thing I have ever done ever.
I took him and his sister to Sea World this past weekend.
It's three hours from us. But suppose to be "totally" worth the trip.
It wasn't. At least not for me.
Alivia and the friends we met there seemed to have a great time.
Which I am thankful. Jackson, well, it is hard to say if he had fun or not. He alternated between fussing to be held/carried (which I did ALOT) and getting in trouble for being mean to others.
Plus side, my biceps are looking amazing.
I am now on the lookout for some good parenting books to help me with him.
To start, I'm looking for The 5 Languages of Children.
If anyone has other good ones, send the suggestions my way.
Monday, March 14, 2011
While I don't much care for rain because it keeps kids indoors (especially since this week is spring break), I LOVE thunderstorms.
LOVE LOVE LOVE them.
Love the boom of thunder. Love the pitter-patter of raindrops.
Love the way it makes you want to cuddle in bed or under a blanket.
And I really love the when the electricity goes out and we all have to sit around with candles and play games and enjoy each other.
While I will miss the semi-cold and the 1% chance of snow(don't forget, I live in Texas), I will embrace the storms and be ever grateful for what they mean.
Yeah for Spring!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
And then for no reason get extremely cold again.
But whatev. Maybe not this year.
It is beautiful right now.
On a side note. I dusted the desk I'm sitting at like five hours ago.
And what do I see forming right before my eyes . . .!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The pledge commercials lie.
Friday, February 25, 2011
I was purchasing my sister's book on Amazon (Love Like God) and came across a copy of The 5 Love Languages for only $6. So I had to get it.
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
I'm only on Words of Affirmation. But that is totally me.
Feel free to tell me how wonderful I am and how you appreciate my time and humor.
Thanks in advance. ;)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
And it's still February.
But I am so ready for summer camps.
Until now I never realized how beneficial summer camps are.
For the adults. ;)
I've decided to start setting aside money now.
Whatever and however many camps my kids ask to go to.
The wish will be granted.
Friday, February 04, 2011
But for me, who lives in south Texas, and rarely gets cold weather, let alone snow, we got some.
So me and the little people I made are going to snuggle under blankets and watch Disney movies.
And I'll probably make some hot tea for myself.
I heart winter!!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
And they don't understand weekends yet.
So on cue (6:45 am) I hear tiny footsteps on their way to my room.
I hear, "Momma, I want a snack. Momma, Momma, Momma."
I carry the boy out of the room.
I turn on cartoons.
I stand by the coffee pot willing it to brew my coffee faster.
I browse the internet, check email and wait anxiously to hear another set of footsteps coming from my room. Those footsteps tell me the hubs is awake.
I live for those footsteps.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
So here it is, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
As far as feelings go, I'm not experiencing anything overwhelming.
Or life changing.
Not thinking much of what I should do this year.
Or making resolutions.
But if I had to make one it would be to live.
To stop judging my life and placing it in some arbitrary category.
To just live it.
And quite possibly enjoy it. :)