Thursday, September 29, 2011

Grief Sweater

Basically, I have been walking around like a woman with no hope. No happiness.
I was wearing my Grief.
Toting it around and showing it the city. I would securely place it on my shoulders to start my day. Hell, I even curled up next to it in bed. Grief. I couldn't get enough of it. Like an addict, I would seek out other avenues of unhappy thoughts and actions just so I could keep my Grief around.
This makes me ashamed of myself. And don't' think that thought didn't help to keep Grief by my side. Cause it did.
On the outside I imagine I looked the same. Maybe my smile was a little forced. Maybe my eyes weren't as bright. But the same.
Something amazing happened about a week ago. I decided to take off the Grief Sweater. (I named it so that I could get rid of it)
I "hung" it up. Had to. My life was screaming at me to be lived and to live it happy and in the light.
I have two babies! Most would argue they need me. Also, I missed me. I missed my friends and my family. When you wear the Grief Sweater, no one appears to be who they were before. It changes your outlook on the world.
So I am thankful I can proclaim that I have escaped the dark. It calls to me still. But I'm not worried. If I ever visit again, I know the way out.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Long Summer

The kids were home all summer.
By that, I mean I didn't have them enrolled in any Mother's Day Out or camps (still a little young for them). So it was me. With them. All summer.
And this summer was difficult.
And if you were wondering, my son still refuses to be potty trained.
I may have to home school this little turkey because I doubt they wipe asses in kindergarten.
But today I rejoice in all things good.
Today is the first day of school (Mother's Day Out)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will have 5 blissful hours to myself.

It has been a long summer.