Thursday, July 29, 2010

Didn't escape it

Oh lord! I find myself saying things and as soon as they leave my mouth I know I sound just like my mother.
Why does this happen?
I realize I want my kids to act the way my mom wanted me to act.
When I tell the little turds to do something, I expect it to happen.
It doesn't (a lot).
So my reaction is to get angry.
And with that anger comes guilt for trying to mold them into something they aren't.
They need the freedom, and I want to give it to them, to be who they are and figure out life their way. *sigh* Even if that way clashes with my own wishes.
Parenting is tricky.
Their smirks and smiles make it easier though.

Monday, July 26, 2010

7 years

Today I have been married to this man for seven years.
We have been together for ten.
And like always, I'll be honest, the first year sucked. Big time.
But we are in our groove.
We have adjusted to being a twosome.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Friday, July 23, 2010

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!

So all my life I've had this idea in my head about happiness.
It included perfection.
I thought, no I can't be happy right now cause ____ isn't perfect.
Wow. I see it written.
Say it again to myself.
What a crap way to look at things.
But this morning while washing my face ( I get all my epiphanies in the bathroom) I realized that I may not think my entire life is perfect right now, but I'm happy.
So I'm overweight. Still I'm happy.
So I think maybe my life isn't the life I signed up for. Still, I'm happy.
I can pick out a number of things that I would say aren't perfect, about myself or my life, but honestly, I'm tired of doing that.
It's exhausting always thinking your not enough and that you can't be happy until you change something/everything.
And I realized this morning, that I have stopped thinking that way, at least for the most part.
I am happy.
And I am happy that I'm imperfect.
Cause if I have found joy in this "imperfect" life, then I know my perfect life is already here.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Push Me!

For some time I have felt I am standing on the outskirts of great knowledge.
And I know I belong in that circle of knowing, but my mind refuses to take the next step.
I see it. It's a small step.
Yet out of my reach.
Like I'm afraid it won't hold my weight.
I look behind me for help and instead of seeing support, or even strings tying me down, there is nothing. Nothing.
The longer I stay in this self inflicted mind limbo the more confused I become.
Maybe someone could push me?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Never have had a passport.
My travels have been in country. Well, I went to Canada once, but that was long before we needed anything specific to get in. And Mexico, same there.
But with Egypt in our future, a passport is a must.
We went and applied for ours yesterday and they charged us $300!
Does that seem pretty pricey to anyone else?
And what if we are denied?
Do we get that money back?
Not that we will be. No arrests or suspicious behavior on our part.
At least they are good for ten years.