Basically, I have been walking around like a woman with no hope. No happiness.
I was wearing my Grief.
Toting it around and showing it the city. I would securely place it on my shoulders to start my day. Hell, I even curled up next to it in bed. Grief. I couldn't get enough of it. Like an addict, I would seek out other avenues of unhappy thoughts and actions just so I could keep my Grief around.
This makes me ashamed of myself. And don't' think that thought didn't help to keep Grief by my side. Cause it did.
On the outside I imagine I looked the same. Maybe my smile was a little forced. Maybe my eyes weren't as bright. But the same.
Something amazing happened about a week ago. I decided to take off the Grief Sweater. (I named it so that I could get rid of it)
I "hung" it up. Had to. My life was screaming at me to be lived and to live it happy and in the light.
I have two babies! Most would argue they need me. Also, I missed me. I missed my friends and my family. When you wear the Grief Sweater, no one appears to be who they were before. It changes your outlook on the world.
So I am thankful I can proclaim that I have escaped the dark. It calls to me still. But I'm not worried. If I ever visit again, I know the way out.
4 comments:
Its good that you know your way out. But we all have the ups and downs. And we can overcome the downs through self evaluation and time and wisdom.
Anyway, I think you are a very strong person and have it together. Maybe you are too hard on yourself sometimes.
B. I heart you. Im so glad you hung it up. Especially since our convo the other night was HI-larious!
Oh Yrautca! I know I am hard on myself. But no one else has ever been hard on me. :)
Shib - our convos are always the best!
Absolutely. Our mood isn't something that just happens to us. You can pick out your mood, like a sweater you put on every day when you get up. Grief is ok, but it has it's time. Today you can choose any mood you want to have.
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