28 Days

Just 28 short days and I, Berly, The crazy one, will be in Las Vegas!
Soaking up the sun, drinking free drinks, parting in wild night clubs, watching semi naked men dance, and all the while getting paid.
Down side - I will be gone for TWO WEEKS.
Do you think you can get to much Vegas?

Jesus loves me, this I know

I left my purse at a Whataburger in the wee hours of the morning (2 am) on Saturday.
Yes, it had my entire life in it.
No, I do not know why I brought it in to begin with.
Yes, I happened to be intoxicated.
And yes, I had the new pepper jack chicken salsa sandwich. With fries.
I noticed I was without my big yellow and green plaid bag at 2 pm.
We were getting ready to go to lunch. Everyone was searching the house, the cars, anywhere. There was no way I had actually left my purse at Whataburger right???
Wrong.
At the Whataburger, Chaka Kahn and I wait patiently in line to speak with the front counter girl. I tell her I left my bag and describe it.
She goes to ask her manager. When she returns she explains that they do in fact have my bag! Just needs me to verify the name and what not on the ID. I do. She leaves to retrieve bag. Chaka Kahn and I hug. I feel like crying.
And I realize as I get my life handed back to me . . . Jesus loves me and was looking out for me the night before. Drunk and all!

Tears

So, I just found out that I am a really good actress.
People actually think I am happy. And I tell them that I am. And I am not.
Why?
Why am I not happy?
Multiple reasons.
Multiple causes.
It seems everything goes bad at once.
Or everything good happens at the same time.
I think maybe I would like it to be spread out a bit.
But I am in so much pain and nothing I do feels right and nothing I do makes is better. And I don't even make sense.
And I am so tired.

Screw Motherhood

There are three people in my household. Soon to be four.
For some reason I really like to take people in.
Out of those three people there is only one that does the dishes everyday.
Out of those three people there is only one that picks the couch cushions up off the floor and puts them back on the couch.
Out of those three people there is only one who thinks about dusting.
Only one that puts dishes in the dishwasher after rinsing them.
Only one that doesn't leave water glasses everywhere.
And Only one that is on the verge of a complete meltdown because she is only 24 freaking years old, works 50 hours a week, is not an actual mom (although they all call me that), therefore should in no way be the ONLY ONE!



Well, I feel a little better now.

Stay away from our pens!

I didn't experience this first hand. But I am still a little weirded out about the whole situation.
You see, a couple of months ago this boy between the ages of 16-20, not real sure, comes in and asks to look at our pens. We are a jewelry store by the way.
The girl I have working is like - okay.
Confused the whole time about what is actually going on.
The strange boy starts to pick up and look at every pen we have, all the while breathing heavy and acting like he was in a hurry.
He then asks if he can have one because he collects pens.
Strange boy tries to take the nice polished marble and gold one we have. She says no. He continues to eye it. She then takes if from the container. Strange boy leaves with a pen that we obtained for free as a marketing tool.
Then today, strange boy comes in again.
Different girl is up front.
He does the same thing.
This time playing with the push lever highlighter we have, eyes growing large in hopes that he can sneak off with it I am sure.
Strange boy ends up with another freebie pen, but this one happens to be everyone's favorite.
Nice grip. Makes your letters look pretty. Everyone has that certain pen.
I am pretty sure he goes around the whole complex stealing pens from each store.
What are we to do?
He is in and out so fast. Picks a pen and leaves.
I mean, there is really no harm, but those are our pens!
Stay away from our pens, strange boy!

Permanent Proof of Temporary Insanity

I changed my tattoo last night.
I thought a lot about my friend Lisa. She was with me when I got my original. I was eighteen. Decided it would be a good idea to exert the power of freedom from the parents. Plus, she was getting one and I just had to do it with someone else because other wise I would have been to chicken.
Anyhoo, I went last night. Alan paid. He is so great.
I got really nervous right before the guy started. Who by the way, is named Bozz. Why? Why not David or Brandon? You know, the name your parents gave you.
I have never been to a tattoo place where the guys are normal.
So he starts. I jump. High.
"Good thing that didn't have ink on it. Think your ready now?" Bozz tells me.
At least he is smart.
So he begins.
And I have to tell you, I am the biggest baby. I wanted to cry. I do not remember it hurting that much.
At one point I had made up in my mind that I was going to stop and just go home with how it was.
But since Alan had already paid and three of my friends were watching, I stayed put.
I now have a turtle on acid.

Things that make me think . . .hmmm??

-Mohawks (have never and will never look good)
-Iced Coffee
-Skinny chefs
-That feeling you get when you see an ex, even though you are insanely happy and in love with your present significant other
-Area 51
-just add water meals
-TiVo
-Britney and Kevin's reality TV show
-Britney Spears pregnant
-Models that eat
-Einstein and his theories
-lime green poop
-clocks (what would it be like if no one knew the "real time"???)
-the French
-life without coffee
-outer space
-women who don't won't a diamond for their engagement ring
-Montana
-Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice
-Softball (it is not!!)
-sex as a tool to get what you want
-tanning beds

Family Transplant

Did you know, you can't change your family.
Of course you did. But think about that for a second . . .
Would you?
What if someone told you that for a small price, like maybe your little toe, you really don't need that one, they would replace all or some or any of your family members with whoever you want.
Would you do it?
Could you do it?
Would you replace your overpowering and controlling mother?
And with who?
Maybe Martha Stewart - post jail time, she is a "new" woman. Or Marge Simpson, she sure takes a lot and is still relatively perky.
Would you swap your alcoholic father for someone like Jason Seaver from Growing Pains.
Or would you trade in your sisters and brother, who seem to never make the right decisions, for your friends who have always been there for you and aren't able to hurt you because of what they do and what they have failed miserably to not do?
Would you pick out some uncles who aren't such pompous asses? Aunts who aren't such snobs? Or cousins that don't look down on you because of your father?
Could you replace those people?
Could you consciously change your life into something you think would be better by surrounding yourself with people who you think would make a better mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, aunt or cousin?
Maybe the answer is to learn how to make the best of what you got. Accept what your family does and who they are.
Love them.
Love them because there is no one to come chop off your toe and give you a new family. Your stuck with them.
How hard can it be to love them?

My Friend Courtney

My sophomore year at A&M, spring semester, is when I really connected to Courtney. She was my best friend and roommate Lisa's friend from fish camp. But she is like this totally awesome person that if you don't love, it is because there is something wrong with you.
We had a couple of classes together on Tuesday and Thursday. Geology being the one I remember because we used to write down a list of places we would want to go to lunch during class.
Then we would take turns crossing off places that we weren't in the mood for. Ending up with something fatty and delicious.
After lunch we would just hang out around town. Sometimes shop. Always listening to Kid Rock. We used to jam to Cowboy. Those were the days. I can't hear that song without thinking about her.
When we had to study for Geology we would go to Sweet Eugine's for hours and drink coffee. Well, I did. On top of the vivarin. Which Courtney introduced to me as well.
I did really good in classes that semester. Could be because I never slept. Or because I had Courtney to help me through.
Either way . . .
I miss that semester. And I miss Courtney.
God, I love that girl!

What If???

I have been thinking recently about that movie Butterfly Effect. Mostly because Paige has been talking about it and what her life would be like.
So, I of course, with my susceptible mind, have also been dwelling on the what ifs.
Like what if I had never roomed with Lisa, my first best friend and one of the main reasons I stuck it out at A&M?
I wouldn't know Courtney, the dirty knees hooker. Or Sandra or Stinky Ashley or Robin, who still has that porn I lent her three years ago!
What if I had stayed with Charles. My first love.
I imagine I would be divorced and have at least two brats. Unhappy. Fat(er). I was never a good judge of men until Alan came along.
What if my parents had stayed together, even for just three or four more years?
What if I was Derrell's biological child and not just his little girl by marriage?
What if I had actually been a boy? My name would be Gregory.
I know because of my mean sisters and their taunting when I was young.
What if I had spent all my summers somewhere instead of my Grandma and Grandpa's?
Would I have gone to A&M? Would I be such a different person? Or would just my life be different and not my attitude/personality?
What if????????