I have been doing some thinking, I know, scary stuff. But I am one of those people who needs a life plan. I don't necessarily need to meet any of the goals/deadlines. But I do in fact need to have the security of having the plan. So, I went to work reconstructing mine because, lets be honest, I have changed. I now want and think I need different things.
Alan doesn't like to participate in the conversations about the life plan. Alan is in fact a man who likes to take it month by month. I knew this about him. But every time it shows in his decision-making I am shocked once again being that I am so pro life plan.
So, in this time of introspection and deep thought I realized one thing about myself that has always been.
Waiting for the next thing to happen. Never not thinking about what I am doing as something I have to do in order to get to the next thing.
When I was six, I vividly remember being anxious all year because the next year I was getting my ears pierced.
At fourteen I couldn't wait till the next year so I could get my learner's permit and when I had that I was almost sick to my stomach with anticipation of being sixteen and legal to drive, alone.
My last year in high school was consumed with thoughts of college. College with graduation, graduation with getting married, getting married with honeymoon, etc.
And every year after my birthday I think, Ok, a couple more months till Halloween, then one month till thanksgiving, now only a few weeks till Christmas Eve, then Christmas, then New Years Eve.
"If I can just get through ______ then I can do ______ and then _______ can happen."
A never-ending cycle for me.
So maybe I am just unsatisfied.
But I heard somewhere that tons of people do this. They are always waiting.
Waiting for the next stage.
I do have fun in the present.
But I would like to live in the present more and not be so consumed with what is next.
Like Alan . . .