Well, I was watching Garden State last night. Good flick.
Although I was uncomfortable half the movie and wanted to ball the second half, with little bits of laughter and anger thrown in.
I haven't felt all those emotions in a two hour setting since, . . . well I really can't remember.
But there was this one part that really got to me. And had Alan not been sitting there with me, I probably would have broke down.
It was when they are in the pool and Zach Braff is talking about where home is. I always associate "home" with my mom and Derrell. They recently moved, so the house is totally not what I grew up in. I have no real attachment to the house. But it is still home. Right?
I mean, am I suppose to have a different definition of home since me and Alan are married? Am I suppose to only feel "home" when I am with him and in our house(apartment).
Which got me thinking.
Have a made another wrong decision in saying we will stay in College Station?
Am I suppose to move back to Dallas?
Am I ever going to find a job I love?
Is Alan happy?
What is his definition of home?
Am I enough for him?
Does he still love me?
What should I get for Valentine's day?
Did I turn off the ultrasonic at work?
Do you think the cats are happy?
How am I ever going to make a good mom?
Will they feel at home?
Will they hate me?
What am I doing with my life?
Why do I feel like I have been walking around in someone else's life?
What would my friends think if they found I wasn't really the person they think I am?
Do they know already?
Does Alan?
How do I become the person I want to be?
3 comments:
Isnt Garden State incredible? Totally good for pondering afterwards.
As is Eternal Sunshine. Check it out.
Girl I feel like I dont even know who Im supposed to be anymore. Then someone will say some lame crap like--just be you. No shit. Well if I knew who me was I wouldnt be having a breakdown now would I.
I love that quote about home. I dont feel like I have a home. Not in Dallas. Not in Houston. I think that comes with time. But who am I to say.
Anyhow...youre valid in your worries. I have them too.
Girls, Girls...this is big sissy talking. Trust me when I say that ya'll are feeling the way you are suppose to feel at the time and age you are suppose to be feeling these ???'s about life,love,happiness,who you are and who you thought you were and the actual woman you will become. Just ahnd in there...I have to say that I'm glad that I'm in my 30's and not my 20's anymore. Trust me...all your question's will be answered in the order they need to be. Just trust you "gut" and you will be safe. It's when we go against that "gut" feeling that get's us into trouble.
Love ya'll
Stephanie
B-
check your email - I just sent you a message.
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