Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The worst father in the world actually isn't mine

I need for you all to do a little imagination exercise with me.
Close your eyes (after you read what to do).
Imagine a 400 pound man, not showered in days, has just ran three miles in the dead of summer. He then lifts his armpit. Can you smell it?
Now combine that smell with the smell of dead rotting fish.
Take a moment.

This smell came into the store the other day. It brought with it, the most horrible, irritating, and downright strange little girl. I think she was almost four. Now I like children. But she was a breed all her own. I can honestly say I really really disliked her and when they left . . .I was happy.
While her smelly fat father was looking at coins and trying to ever so secretly pocket them (your fat, we see when your pudgy little arm makes to put something in your coat!), she talked to me and Paige and Gretchen.
Now, Gretchen and Paige have much more patience. So they actually talked to her and tried to keep her from screaming and running in the store as she was doing previously. I just stared at her. Gretchen kept asking her what color things were. She got to her pants and the girl replied, "Poo poo". I laughed. Thought that was kind of funny.
A few minutes later I realized that the little girl was actually very smart. You see, she still had on a diaper and she had taken a shit while standing there talking to us.
Gretchen then went to get a coke and some candy. The little girl screamed that the coke and candy was bad for you and to stop drinking/eating it. We reassured her it was alright if you were over twenty to drink coke and eat candy.
Gretchen then told her not to lie or her nose would grow. Something else to mess with her already fragile little mind. So the little child starts to cry because she doesn't want her nose to grow. An hour passed and they thankfully left. Poop and all.
It is rare times like those that I remember why I didn't go into teaching.
And I am glad.

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