Friday, January 06, 2006

Ok, Lets Try This

I'm in the angry stage.
You know the one.
Nobody says anything right. You feel your life can get no worse. You hate everything you see and feel.
The angry stage.
I know in my mind this is part of the process. Woe is me.
It fucking sucks.
I'm pissed off.
Not at anything. I'm just in a really bad mood.
I don't hate work. I love it. But today, it is my worst enemy.
All I want is my mommy.
God, I'm pathetic.
Anybody know the next phase?

9 comments:

Courtney said...

I think each person deals with loss differently, Berle. But the important thing is to let yourself feel the loss, and to talk about what you're feeling. It just takes time...
I love you, Berly :)

Kat_womanx2 said...

There are 5 phases of dying: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

These are mostly for the person in question, and not so much for the family and loved ones. However, we suffer a slightly different degree of each of these. Different questions and answers.

Your next phase is bargaining. Thats where the dying says, "If I had only done this...or if I do this now...will it change things for me."

Unfortunately, because you learned of events so late...you barely had time for denial and bargaining, so the phases you have will be anger, depression and acceptance. The best thing to do would be to try and skip straight to acceptance...to admire his life, kindness and generosity. To learn and remember the wonderful things he showed you in life, and allow his memory to live on by the way you live your life. Always mention him when doing something that reminds you of him, and always smile when those thoughts pass through your mind. At this point in time...anger and depression are merely a negative waste of your energy that you could be using for something positive in his memory...how about a post specifically about him and the influence he had on your life?? Best wishes to you Berly, I'm thinking about ya!!

Kim said...

Berly,
I know I am in the anger phase too. I think it was kicked off by the Russion Orthodox Funeral that we both know John would NOT have wanted. I will NEVER attend one of those again! I am still having trouble getting past that. I just keep reminding myself how much John liked to laugh and about the crazy stories he used to tell. I can remember times when we would all just sit there listening to him and think "Is he ever going to get to the point?" Oh, I even made myself laugh out loud today when I thought about the times we played "Would You Rather" at work and often John and Tommy were included in our little game (of course they never knew about that though). Just try to keep the memories alive and soon time will heal the pain. I love you Berly!!!

Ranger Tom said...

Kat beat me to it.

Lindsey said...

You're getting there sister. Just take your time and allow yourself to go through the different phases. It will be okay. YOU will be okay.

Natalia said...

As everyone has been saying, most of us have to go through this in our own way. But whatever your stages are, you have to allow yourself to go through each of them and feel them fully, lest you try to be stronger than you feel and leave stuff bottled up. That stuff always has a tendency to come back to bite you by exploding at the worse time.

Here's sending you some good vibes, hoping your next stages are easier to cope with.

{{{huggers}}}

-N

Katie said...

I know how you feel. i feel the same way right now. howerver i dont think it will ever end! for me that is!

Drywall Mom said...

I would have to say the "numbingness" effect will hit next. Then the part of moving on. That's how I do it.

Princess Pessimism said...

...sigh....I agree with Kaite. I feel like that all the time.