A Letter to 2010

Dear Year 2010,

I am anxious to see you leave.
You brought me every emotion I have ever known to have and some I still can't place.
You were a little heavy on the negative ones.
And that as why I am ready to bid you farewell.
Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

-Berly

PS. Thanks for the joy this last week. I'm guessing it's your makeup for the year.

The Tree

So the hubs, as a child, was allowed to decorate the family Christmas tree to his liking. Along with his sisters of course.
And my MIL would leave the ornaments EXACTLY how they put them on.
For real?
For real.
So we let the kids decorate the tree this year.
They are 4 and 2 1/2.
I'm not allowed to redecorate it when they aren't here.
At first I thought he was joking.
But he did a serious face that I've never seen before.
I have never been so ready to take down Christmas decorations.
This is going to be a long December people.

4th Birthday!

This is my baby today.

How did four years already go by?

Survival Mode

You know, the mind set your in during and after a completely disruptive emotional occurrence. = Survival Mode

Things I've learned during my own experience:

1) Your never hungry but will still eat
2) Cigarettes still taste and smell bad
3) Tears will leak from the eyes without you knowing
4) Showers are the best part of the day
5) Appreciation of life and all that you love is at an all time high

Dear God, it's me Kimberly

I always believe life won't give you more than you can handle.
Really.
If I felt overwhelmed in the past (emotionally speaking) I would take a crying timeout.
Maybe two.
Oh hell, I've cried for a week straight, I wont' lie.
But these past couple of months . . . . .
Well for one, I can't cry. Not a good one.
And things keep piling on top of each other.
I feel weighed down.
Smushed (its my word) with emotional pain.
And I can't see the proverbial light at the end of my tunnel.
If anyone is listening. I'm officially asking for help.

It's a nail polish kind of day

Finally getting a little chilly here.
I heart winter.
I long for it to arrive and I cry when it leaves.
Today, I am extra grateful for the cold because I've been in a mood.
I vow today to enjoy my sweatshirt. Play with my kids. Finish my laundry. Have a successful play date with a good friend and her kids. Get out of my mood and into a positive one. And paint my nails red.
Cause I need red nail polish in my life today.

New Blog

My sis (in-law) recently started a blog.
It's funny.
It's real.
Check it out.

Here:
http://tallblondesinthecity.blogspot.com/

Or look for the Tall Blondes link in the sidebar.
Thanks!!

October in Pictures

Pre chocolate coma post

Alivia and Jackson were suppose to be a giraffe and elephant for Halloween. We received these really great hand me down costumes. I was going to have the hubs and I dress in all khaki and we would be zoo keepers.
Cute right?
Ya.
But I planned something. So we all know how this turns out.
The costumes were to short.
Alivia decided to be a princess (I am using her flower girl dress from this summer)
Jackson screamed pirate as soon as I asked him what he wanted to be. He's been practicing by putting a cup on his foot at bath time. His makeshift peg leg.
But I was able to borrow a costume from a friend for his. So I'm not out a bunch of costume money.
I'm pretty excited. We have some friends that we go with. Her mom lives in a nicer neighborhood in town so we hit up them up for the good candy.
Pictures tomorrow!

And it begins

The hubs left not more than two hours ago for Calgary, Canada.
I am hearing strange noises.
Bored beyond belief.
Almost drunk.
And wishing he was home.
It's gonna be a long week people.

A Trip or two

So next week the hubs leaves for Canada on a business trip.
I want so badly to go, but we have Vegas three days after he gets back, so childcare is stretched to the limit right now.
Last time he left me alone for more than a night I was pregnant with Jackson and paranoid. I booby trapped the doors and slept like crap.
I'm hoping this time goes better.

But . . . .. VEGAS!!
I can't believe it is almost here.

Plane tickets to Vegas arrived - CHECK
Planet Hollywood room booked - CHECK
Little White Chapel booked to renew vows - CHECK

I'm ready to place myself in the center of sin.

This way

Saw a quote on a friends FB profile the other day and it made me stop and think.
Which isn't the news, I stop and think a lot! :)

The quote:
"Anything goes when everything's gone."

I want to live like this.
I want to do and be and live like everything is gone. I don't want to feel held back by obligations. I want to wake up in the morning and live for exactly and only what I want to live for.
Is this possible?
Does anyone do this?

Finally

We got some cool weather!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate heat.
Loathe it.
Okay, I can deal when I'm in a bathing suit and there is a pool.
But the general day to day stuff and sweating from getting groceries or walking out to get the mail. I'm over that. In a big way.
And FINALLY, FINALLY, my part of Texas has received some relief.
I'm one happy ladie today.
Well, all week, cause the weather report says we are to have this "cool front" continue for the next few days.


(Dear Santa, please send me snow this year. Thank you.)

Help Wanted

Need willing and able person to come potty train my son and clean up any accidents and in general take care of the entire process that goes along with the potty training.
Will pay in cookies and gratefulness.
No references needed.
Only patient souls need apply.

Kicked

Let me paint you a little picture.
Two girls are walking down stairs.
The first in a very short dress and heels. She is holding on to the rail and taking it slow.
Second is behind her in flip flops.
Second slips and lands on her ass. Hard.
While her legs are flying out from under her they connect with first girls right thigh and successfully take her out. She holds on to rail for dear life while skidding down a couple of stairs and manages to plant her left foot to stop.
Next morning.
First girl has twisted ankle, bruised right side of body.
Second girl ends up with what could possibly be a broken tail bone.
*sigh*
This is what happens to me when I get away from the children for a night.
And when I drink 7 & 7.

C R A Z Y

If I have to take a shit one more time while my children bring me toys and ask me if it is a big poop and drive their toy cars on my legs and ask to sit in my lap and tell me it stinks in here - I'm gonna go crazy.
C R A Z Y!

Sleep

I have been suffering from insomnia this past week.
Probably because I was excited/anxious for my friend's wedding. My daughter was the flower girl. And she was so cute. But I'm assuming I was worried. Although that really isn't in my nature of late.
Anyhoo . . . ..
Sleep deprivation.
It sucks.
I entered into the paranoia, crazy mode Sunday morning (post wedding).
I had a bottle of freaking wine at the wedding.
Did I sleep that night? No. The answer is no.
WTF?
So yesterday was an all out anxious filled day.
At this point I am not sure if the anxiety is causing the insomnia or the insomnia causing the anxiety. But I did get relief last night.
I slept.
It was nice.
And life seems brighter and lighter this morning.
Happy Monday!

"Cars"

My son woke up early. Again.
We are watching "Cars". Again.
As far as animated movies go, its great.
Upon your 308th viewing, some of the charm is lost.
Just so you know.

Change of Plans

The hubs and I were planning a big trip to Egypt this year for our 10 years together, 7 married, and we both turned 29 for the second time. Big year. So we went to the post office. Gave them $300 and our birth certificates and they told us we should receive our passports in 6 to 8 weeks. Mine is here. It is beautiful.
I mean, its a passport, but I'm super excited to have it, so its beautiful.
The hubs received a letter stating he submitted a birth card, and it has insufficient information to complete the application for a passport.
Damn.
Now we have to get a certified copy of his birth certificate from Austin (10 to 15 business days and another $22) and then send it back to the Charleston passport office. And I can only assume it will take another month after that to get his passport.
So . . . . . .
We aren't going.
I am now working on him to book Vegas for his sister's birthday.
Maybe we could renew our vows in the Little White Chapel.

Bachelorette Party

So I attended a good friend's bachelorette party over the weekend.
I love her.
I did not love this party.
It did have the makings to be great though.
The best part of the night is the fact that our semi drunk bride got thrown from a golf cart mid turn on the way back from dinner. She was fine. It was hilarious.
The rest of the night was a lot of waiting for a taxi and indecision.
Eh . . . .
They are usually a bunch of hype, right?

*sigh*

About this time every year I am counting down the days until my birthday.
Not this year.
It is the dreaded 30th.
And I'm having a problem with it.
Do I look 30? I don't think so.
Do I feel 30? That is no as well, I'll always feel 21 (fingers crossed)
But the number gets me. It really really gets me.
So come Sunday, I will begin the lying about my age phase of my life.
I am committed to being a 29 year old. Forever.

Didn't escape it

Oh lord! I find myself saying things and as soon as they leave my mouth I know I sound just like my mother.
Why does this happen?
I realize I want my kids to act the way my mom wanted me to act.
When I tell the little turds to do something, I expect it to happen.
It doesn't (a lot).
So my reaction is to get angry.
And with that anger comes guilt for trying to mold them into something they aren't.
They need the freedom, and I want to give it to them, to be who they are and figure out life their way. *sigh* Even if that way clashes with my own wishes.
Parenting is tricky.
Their smirks and smiles make it easier though.

7 years

Today I have been married to this man for seven years.
We have been together for ten.
And like always, I'll be honest, the first year sucked. Big time.
But we are in our groove.
We have adjusted to being a twosome.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!

So all my life I've had this idea in my head about happiness.
It included perfection.
I thought, no I can't be happy right now cause ____ isn't perfect.
Wow. I see it written.
Say it again to myself.
What a crap way to look at things.
But this morning while washing my face ( I get all my epiphanies in the bathroom) I realized that I may not think my entire life is perfect right now, but I'm happy.
So I'm overweight. Still I'm happy.
So I think maybe my life isn't the life I signed up for. Still, I'm happy.
I can pick out a number of things that I would say aren't perfect, about myself or my life, but honestly, I'm tired of doing that.
It's exhausting always thinking your not enough and that you can't be happy until you change something/everything.
And I realized this morning, that I have stopped thinking that way, at least for the most part.
I am happy.
And I am happy that I'm imperfect.
Cause if I have found joy in this "imperfect" life, then I know my perfect life is already here.

Push Me!

For some time I have felt I am standing on the outskirts of great knowledge.
And I know I belong in that circle of knowing, but my mind refuses to take the next step.
I see it. It's a small step.
Yet out of my reach.
Like I'm afraid it won't hold my weight.
I look behind me for help and instead of seeing support, or even strings tying me down, there is nothing. Nothing.
The longer I stay in this self inflicted mind limbo the more confused I become.
Maybe someone could push me?

Passports

Never have had a passport.
My travels have been in country. Well, I went to Canada once, but that was long before we needed anything specific to get in. And Mexico, same there.
But with Egypt in our future, a passport is a must.
We went and applied for ours yesterday and they charged us $300!
Does that seem pretty pricey to anyone else?
And what if we are denied?
Do we get that money back?
Not that we will be. No arrests or suspicious behavior on our part.
At least they are good for ten years.

New Phone

We went to the pool Monday.
My phone survived splashing and general wildness of my children while there.
We get in the car and my son's cup falls over in my bag, on top of my phone.
Soaked.
Completely.
I remove back and battery.
I let dry.
I replace.
Nothing.
I was about to have a &*#&%&%^&%&*^% moment when I realized that it was close enough to my birthday to actually get a new phone.
YA!!!!!
The hubs and I had been talking about upgrading me for about six months now and we were gonna wait out my contract.
But . . . . . .
Things happen ;)
So I am now the proud owner of a MyTouch 3G Slide. (In black)
And I have internet through my phone for the first time ever.
Whoop!
I'm so glad spill proof cups don't work.

At times

I'm gonna get up in the middle of this post to get more coffee, you should know this.

It being Father's Day and all, I'm up (EARLY) with the babies while the husband sleeps.
And sleeps and sleeps.
Most days I love the job of being a mom.
Today is not most days.
My two year old insist on motorboating me before eight this morning, refused his breakfast, won't get his hand out of his diaper and will probably poop and need changing while I'm in the middle of this sentence.
My fault. It's a long sentence.
Of course my daughter is being perfect. If you ignore the 3 year old attitude, bouncing on the couch and general bossing around of my son.
Little things.
I realize this.
Things always feel better after the second cup of coffee (or glass of wine, but seeing how it's not even noon on Sunday, I'll wait)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! (aka- not my day)

Big Year

For me, 2010 feels like a big year.
I turn 30 this year, the hubs turned 30 this year, we have been married seven years and together 10. So we should do something big. Yes? Yes.
At first I was thinking just about me.
But then after talking to Alan (the hubs) I realized he felt the same about this year.
And would also like to do something big to commemorate this big year.
Soooooo . . . . . . .
We are looking at a trip to the following places:
Fiji
Camping in the Grand Canyon.
Pocono Mountains.
Egypt.
I'm leaning toward Egypt cause I REALLY feel drawn there.
And I ruled out Fiji cause I want more from there than we can afford at this time. So I'm willing to wait till we make our first million. ;)

Shower Epiphanies

So like it says, while in the shower today I had a thought.
A, holy crap, for real?? An answer to a question I hadn't thought to ask.
For Christmas this past year my sister and I exchanged reflection affirmation shirts.
I was drawn to the affirmation "I love and accept myself as I am".
It feels powerful. I dig it.
And there are so many affirmations out there. Ones I could totally wear and not be embarrassed by and feel I definitely address some issues I have.
For example -
"My body is wonderful and beautiful"
"I am successful"
"Every decision I makes supports my higher self"
You get the point.
So I'm putting soap on the loofah, (stop daydreaming Yrautca ;) and it hits me.
If I love and accept myself as I am, then I am all the above things as well.
So simple.
Yet something strong inside me screams, YES! YOU FINALLY GET IT! This is why I was so drawn to this affirmation. I have struggled to believe I am worth this glorious life. Even with what some might think are faults, I am. Oh yes, I am.

So, " I love and accept myself as I am".

And I urge you to do the same.

Cause this is what I look at all day

They are pretty cute. Right?
Right. I know. I am sooooo that "I think my kids are the cutest" mom.
Alivia's hair is getting so curly.
I am tempted to give it a trim so that it will grow longer, but fear the tears and hysteria (on my part) when her curls happen to not keep growing.
Jackson's vocabulary has grown a ton.
Including the word shit.
And I'd like to blame the hubs for it. But alas, that would be my fault.
So this is what I enjoy all day.
But I am so ready for MDO to start back up! :)

SUMMER!!

So officially, it's not summer.
But this is Texas people.
It is hot.
We busted out the baby pool and sprinklers.
I have a faint tan line.
It's summer.
I praise the sun right now.
Check back in a month and I'm sure I'll be cursing it.
Like I said, this is Texas people.

Made it!

I finished the cleanse. I made it 20 days as I had hoped.
This week I reintroduced food and I should be eating normally by Saturday.
Just in time for Mother's Day.
Which I am looking forward to because I told the hubs I wanted a massage and I'm most certain that is what I am getting.
For a second I thought, you know, that's kind of pricey for a MD gift, and then I thought, you know, I did push two children out of my body.
So I asked for it anyway. :)
I feel great from the cleanse.
Started back to the gym and taking a class that combines tai chi, pilates and yoga.
Love it!
I feel very open and free at this moment in life and I am currently in the mind set to hold on to that.

kreativesentiments.com

That is my website.
I started my own little business a few months ago.
It is going ok. But I realize I'm pretty lazy about getting business.
I've been going on word of mouth.
So this is my mention of it and hopefully it will boost its place when someone Google searches. ;)

And if you want to check it out -kreativesentiments.com

Master Cleanse

Have you heard of it?
It's fab. Truly.
I did it last year for 14 days.
No food.
Only lemon juice, syrup, cayenne pepper and water.
And a tea at night.
Felt great for a few months after until I started eating unhealthy again.
But I love it because it resets my mind/body cravings.
So I have been feeling weighed down and came to the conclusion that I must cleanse again.
Really, I may make it a three times a year thing. Cause I LOVE the way I feel.
I wake up with so much energy.
When I go to sleep at night it is a peaceful deep sleep.
So this is what I am doing.
I'll let you know how long I can go this go around.

An apology

We have a communication issue. We have for ten years.
Usually it hides under our happiness. And then, BAM!
It is usually only a problem when I am feeling insecure.
And I recognize that really, I do.
My insecurities tend to bring out the worst in me.
So we have a fight, which is mostly over text and that infuriates me further, and he apologizes. And then everything is better.
EVERYTHING IS BETTER!
How the hell does that happen?

SPRING!

I can't be asked to stay inside today.
Walls cannot hold me in on a beautiful spring day like this.
Praise to the universe for bringing me this blessing.
And praise to the inventor of swing sets, which this post exist because of.

Experiment

I currently have in the oven chocolate and oat bars.
I looked up a recipe on line and modified to what I had in the pantry.
Hopefully I will have a tasty, healthy snack come out of the oven in 30 minutes.

Ingredients: (don't try till I let you know!)

2 cups Oats - toasted for ten minutes
2 cups Rice Krispys
1/2 cup choc chips
1/2 cup agave nectar
2 tablespoons flour
3 drops of vanilla
4 grinds of the sea salt
mix and spread on cookie sheet at 350 degrees for thirty minutes

99

So a dear friend of my MIL's passed away and today is her funeral.
The few times I had met her she was so sweet and tried so hard to ask questions about the kids and myself. Like she was really interested.
I hope at 99 I still want to learn about others and make friends.
Ms. Katheryn will be missed. And always remembered.

More Feng Shui

So we moved a lot of things in the house and added some touches.
The house feels GREAT!
And I lost 5 pounds in five days right after the feng shui decorating!!
Needless to say, I'm a believer.
I need plants. That is really the only big feng shui addition I have left.
And I've been hesitant because I kill plants.
Little afraid of them.

Snow Pics

We had a lot of fun making a snow man and using the kids toys as buttons and eyes. Jackson was a little cold and ready to go in after it was done.
And of course, Texas stays true and it is sunny and high of 60 today!

SNOW!!

Ok.
I loooooove snow.
Pretty. White. Things look magical in the snow.
(Remember I'm from Texas)
And all year, as strange as it is, the lower Texas cities have been receiving snow.
I of course was out of town when it happened here and then here when it happened when I was suppose to be out of town to my mom's, where she got a FOOT.
Anyhoo.
We got a lot yesterday.
I got to see snow fall for at least 6 hours.
Perfect.
And then the hubs came home and we all went outside and made a snowman, "Texan" style. (pics later)
Thank you Universe for giving me snow. And for the long cold winter here in Texas. You know how I adore the cold.

Surge

I was on my way to pick up the kiddos from Mother's Day Out (MDO).
I heart Tuesdays for this reason.
Anyhoo, I pass a school and when it is nice out, as it was today, there are children outside walking the track. I'd guess they are around ten.
I was stopped at the light and got to observe them.
And today, I felt this overwhelming surge of joy watching them.
Children. Pure. Simple. Wonderful.
And I couldn't help but think, wow, these little guys are just starting their journey. How neat! How excited they must feel all the time.
It reminds me to stay excited about life. To stay joyful everyday.
Cause each day I wake up I'm on my own new journey.

V-Day '10

This was the dinner I made for my husband. It was really really yummy.
Don't be jealous. ;)

All Stars

I like basketball very little.
If there is a game on and the hubs really wants to watch, ok. I'll do it.
But seriously, do I have to watch the slam dunk and other random, basket challenges?
Really?
*sigh*
I'm so glad there is wine in the house.

Valentine's Gift

The husband surprised me with a new laptop as an early v-day gift.
Love it!!
I do wish it was green, but seeing how it only cost him $15, I won't complain too much.
I'm pretty sure my house shouldn't be taking on anymore electronics.
Feng shui is pretty adamant about the fact they harbor negative energy and are all around bad for you to be around to much.
Oh well.
I'm gonna enjoy my new toy. :)

Feng Shui

I have hired my sister to feng shui my house.
So far I have learned that my kitchen is my career area.
Which is crazy, because I feel like I spend more time there than anywhere else in the house.
Very excited to get to the redecorating.
I just love an excuse to shop. ;)

Jesus Juice

I love wine. The red stuff mostly.
The hubs and I buy cheap.
But honestly, is there anything better?
No.
No there is not.

Comment Moderation

So I just realized this was on. Somewhere in the changes blogger made and me being an occasional poster, I missed this. So thanks for the comments people.
And you should know, I was under the impression no one stopped here and I was a little more open than I probably would have been on my last few posts.
But I'm gonna keep that going.
It feels nice.
And liberating.
And this year I am working on caring what I think about myself and not what I think others are perceiving me to be.
So . . . . .
Happy Sunday!

A Thank You note to my Spanish nanny

Dear Wonderful Spanish Nanny,

Thank you for always having my house smell of goodness. Thank you keeping my children entertained while I work and loving them unconditionally as I do. And for teaching them spanish so that they may communicate with others better.
Thank you for enchiladas, homemade salsa and guacamole.
You are always on time, I appreciate that.
You always offer to stay the night with the children so that my husband and I can enjoy our special dates. That is a quality I cherish.
Thank you for being the best Spanish nanny ever to have lived and I am so grateful that you are my Spanish nanny.

- B

No, I don't have one. But I believe in the law of attraction. And while I have been attracting some negative things in my life, I have come to one conclusion - my thoughts are uber powerful.
I decided I should do something positive with those thoughts.
And I really really really want a spanish nanny.
So . . . . .

Not like the rest

For as long as I can remember, I have embraced each new year with nostalgia riding piggy back and questions tied around my ankles.
But this year, well, this year is different.
I havenot wanted to "remember" things.
I have not had a bunch of "what ifs" running around in my head and dragging me down.
I've been happy.
Unconditionally happy.
And I'm excited, truly excited to start this new year.
When usually I'm not.
Yeah!
Happy New Year!